My Life This Thursday

The past couple of days now, since Monday to be honest, not having RS in my life has been great!  The idea of blocking RS from calling me was a good call but I do have to admit that my heart aches because of the friendship we once had.  RS decided to live outside of our friendship and associate herself with different people and the people she decided to associate with are people I would not associate with myself.  The fact that I will be civil with RS is exactly what I plan to do anytime I see her in public but I am not going out of my way to invite her to share my space with her again.  I cannot have that anymore.  I can now concentrate fully on me.  I do not need any friends who are going to treat me with disrespect, come see me when it is only convenient for them, leave a message on my phone because I couldn’t get to the phone and they ask me to call back and then reject my phone call in return, lie to me or want to hang around people who they say nasty things about others behind their backs and then be sweet in their face, and someone who does not have respect for property that is not their own.  RS needs to have a reality check and deal with her demons and rely on God to help her.  I have known for a very long time that she has been very unhappy living here and has told me that she cannot move elsewhere because she cannot afford it.  She has told me several times too that she wanted to move back to Illinois where family lives but she has only voiced her displeasure of living here.  She has also said that she has write ups for certain things that seem unfair but why she got written up is none of my business but hers and those who have complained and the managers.  Whatever RS is going through I can only pray for right now.  I cannot have her in my life anymore.  I have to take care of my own emotional ups and downs, demons, and spiritual attacks whenever they occur in my life.

Today I had gotten a text from my mom’s husband saying “Mom died last night. I tried calling you.”  The word “Mom” and “died” made me scream and cry because the way the text was stated Papa was referring to my mom had died last night.  About an hour or so later Papa called me back that it was his mother who died during the night in her sleep.  I was relieved but yet the tears and fear were strong and I was not thrilled at how Papa told me.  He was unclear when he texted me.  I definitely am dealing with my demons today!  UUGGHH!

I am glad that no one else is coming today.  My shower has been taken.   Not my day for company.  In other words I am not in the mood for company at all anymore today.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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