I Have A Lot to Say 3

I have had so much to say for the past several days that I have not really given myself a whole lot of time to write so I can say what has been on my mind for the longest time.  Why can I not start out November out that way by writing in my diary again?  There is no reason why, really, why I have not done so except for the fact I have been very busy and last month I did have a couple of days go by so quickly because I got busy doing what I love doing most and that is being on Facebook.  I am glad that JSL got a hold of me via text message last month and we are starting fresh from having a two year hiatus from one another when I had walked away from her without letting her know why.  The circumstances at the time were too great for me and my emotions were still in a realm of understanding because in March 2012 I was in the hospital because I finally had an emotional breakdown in my counselor’s room at her work.  The events that led up to my walking away, knowing now I did it in haste, have brought in a lot of emotional turmoil into my world I could not quite figure out yet.  I was not sure as to my world being of anxiousness or pure emotion I have not experienced in many years because my world was anxiety all around.  I decided, willingly and with God’s approval, accepted JSL back into my world but this time I will not divulge any information to her.  I will keep a clean slate with our friendship this time and it will be kept at a distance to the extent that she has her life and I have mine, she has her friends and I have mine, and I will NEVER get her involved in anything that does not involve her.  I will respect her space and she will respect mine.  Anyway, upon allowing her into my life, the first four days were going great – at least that is what I thought – until I saw that she had blocked me from Facebook after the first four days of reconnecting with one another – JSL throwing the ball in the court and I accepted and volleyed the ball back into her court with a kind heart.  I did not question JSL’s thinking any further than asking her “did I do something wrong and if I did do anything to please let me know.”  I did not hear from her from that Friday through the entire weekend but I had hoped and prayed that I would find out what happened.  I did not worry about it after that and did look on my phone to see if she texted me throughout the weekend.  I told myself that it was not a great loss and JSL has the right to do what she wants as we are two different people and we do have our own lives.  After the weekend was over, I had gotten a message on Facebook from JSL saying that she was sorry she blocked me and told me why.  She said “we were moving too fast” and I thought that it was wonderful that she came to me and was able to talk to me openly about something that mattered to her.  I replied back to her openly and willingly to say I understand her reason telling her I know where I may have gone wrong but we did not have to discuss it any further and that I was glad she was able to come to me and express her feelings.  After I wrote back to her, I saw that she had sent a friendship request on Facebook and I willingly accepted with no reservations or questions.  We have been friends for a while now once again and this time I believe we are going to survive as friends once again.

 

Remember, I have a lot to say, okay?  Yes, I am not done yet.  This is just the beginning since my last entry.  I feel I have so much to do for myself than I have ever done for myself in the past.  Now that I have time for myself, before my appointment at 2 pm this afternoon, I thought I would take the time to write what has been on my mind for so long and the first paragraph I have written so far.  It is a start anyway.  Well, it is not quite over … yet … I still have a lot to say!  I know I have had a lot of entries I have not written and October has some empty entries.  I am to blame for not writing, though.  When I do not write, it does not mean that I have had a boring day or anything bad happened.  It means that my day has words that can not always be found without stumbling.  I have been able to be my own advocate lately and speak my mind openly with words from my mouth.  My life has not been boring whatsoever.  I just do not always know what to say without sounding like a broken record.

 

It is November 4th and it is voting day all around.  Before today I have seen commercials and videos on TV, cell phone, and on the computer of the candidates who are in the running.  It drives me crazy to see how bad one candidate is for their opponent and visa versa.  It actually makes me sick to my stomach and. livid.  It can not be done in a kind manner anymore.  Then, when someone gets voted in and someone does not like the person that was voted in, people are so unhappy.  There is never going to be a happy medium when it comes to politics.  We are for one side or another, for one person and not for another.  No one is going to be happy politically.  I find that the only kingdom I find pleasant and I am waiting as patiently as I can is God’s kingdom and He is the ruler of all.  It is not going to get any better from this day forward, Biblically speaking, as we are all living in the last days.  It does not matter if your time is almost up or not, we are all living in the last days today.  Christ’s second coming is soon.

 

Living at Burbank Plaza has been pleasant lately.  I may not like the neighbor above me making a lot of noise at certain times of the day but I put up with it the best I can by listening to relaxing music or Christian music, or another genre I enjoy very much.  I do have to, unfortunately, get back into my routine of reading devotionals, read the Bible, and get back to writing more because I have procrastinated enough or have gotten involved in materialistic things the past few weeks.  God wants me to stay focused on Him.  I can not stray now.  I am already playing catch up with a couple of devotions at YouVersion.com now.  My life is NOT that busy to set aside time for God!  My life feels weird when I do not do something.  Anyway, I still keep to myself and do some of the activities but I do not get too involved with the tenants anymore.  After my friendship relationship with RS went south I have vowed I was only going to be friendly with tenants.  I have all my friends outside the building now.  I do not mean to be harsh or sound cruel in any way here but I have been hurt and RS has burned all of her bridges with me and she no longer comes down to visit me Friday nights like she used to.  She does not even make an effort to come see me anymore.  That is her choice and her right to do so.  I have stopped her from being able to call me and I no longer have her headaches and her unhappiness of living here.  If I could, I would wipe the unhappiness from many people but I am unable to.  I have to take care of me and my health, and do what makes me happy.  I do not like to be bothered like several other people do here at Burbank Plaza.  I will always be friendly and kind to tenants as I come and go from my place to another and back again.  It is better to keep to yourself in a building like Burbank Plaza.

It is time for me to go now.  I have an appointment at 2 pm this afternoon and my ride will be here in a few minutes.  I will write more entry later.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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