More Thoughts For December 15th

I cannot believe that it is the 15th of December already!  We have ten days before Christmas now and it feels that this month is going by very fast.  My world is evolving no matter what I do or plan and it feels weird.  I had a great time Saturday night at a church member’s home.  I had fun seeing other church members, watching the kids come and go with excitement and entertaining one another.  It was a fine and fairly busy weekend!

I did feel I did not want to anywhere this morning but once I got out and at the grocery store, I was feeling a little better.  I do not know what has been going on around here but in my world I have felt some dread, disappointment, the feeling of people being upset with me for some reason or another for the past few days.  Depression has played its ugliness lately.  I will step out of this soon as this is just a road block that needs to be removed but not forcibly.  This road block needs to be taken care of with caring hands and taken away with understanding and slowness.  It has been a rough several days but I know that the depression and road block will go away and I can continue on with my journey of life the way it is meant to be.  Depression stinks and it is no fun but I cannot outrun it when it comes and goes.

I have learned, a few years ago, from a psychiatrist I no longer see, that I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  I have taken this claim with a heart of understanding that it can be treated but may never leave me alone at times.  I have found that during the winter months, when it gets cold or colder and the sun seems to sleep more, I struggle with depression and its affects more often than I do in the Spring, Summer, and Fall months.  I know there is light at the end of the tunnel after a darkish day.  I will be okay and my world still evolves around me.

Anyway, despite my feeling of dread and depression, I have something to look forward to this week.  I get to see my dad and his wife on Wednesday for a while.  I am going shopping for new dresser drawer knobs and curtains for my bedroom.  Yep, I got the call last week from dad saying that they will be here Wednesday morning and we are going shopping and out to lunch.  Woo hoo!

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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