I do have to admit that I did not go anywhere tonight. I did not go to the seminar meeting tonight. I did not feel emotionally able to go anywhere really. I just wanted to stay home today for the most part even though I did walk about the apartment complex. I did not want to be too far away from home and going away from my apartment complex today would be too far away from home for me today. I have been dealing with a lot of emotions since last Wednesday and I sometimes do not feel I have been heard and have been considered a person who cannot let go of the past. Sometimes the past seems to creep in into my present because of the hurt I have gone through in the present. I do not forget that easily even though forgiveness does come at a time needed. Even though God has asked us to forgive those who hurt us there are two people in my life I am having trouble forgiving for they have hurt me very badly for years. I am not talking about my AR parents but family in PA.
I know exactly what I did or did not do and I will not have liars in my life. My AR parents think I lie or have lied and cannot let go of the past. That hurts me a lot today because that brings past hurts come back as if they cannot forget themselves. Trust is an issue here and I do not trust my family who lives in AR right now. I know the truth and I will not be bullied by my parents!
