I Am Hurting Badly

I am not venting.  I am only saying what I need to do.

What I am about to share this morning is going to be tough to talk about…write. No, I am not leaving DD. That I promise I will stay no matter how rough and tough my life gets from this day forward. I have been talking to my mom about what has been happening between Becky and me for the past two months and she knows what happened on Tuesday. I texted my mom last night because I needed some support. She suggested that I just keep to myself and keep my mouth shut by not reacting to what other tenants are saying. This is going to hard to do. I have to concentrate on my health and get well again and continue praying that I can get a second kidney transplant in the future. I did not sleep well last night because noise is continuing of course but there is nothing more I can do except to ignore everyone involved and other neighbors. I have to go back to “trust no one” once again and keep to myself.   I am being gossiped about and it has gone through several of the tenants in the building. RS has changed from nice to real mean since she met her boyfriend, and she has been showing her true colors to me whereas others see the nice side of RS. I know she is upset with me for writing complaints because of ongoing noise after 11 PM – 8 AM when it is supposed to be quiet. I know that the noises are being done deliberately now because it continued last night off and on during quiet hours. Here I am, sitting at home, on my computer writing in my diary with only 5 hours of sleep and maybe only 3 good hours of sleep in those 5 hours. I have been jittery, afraid of the next loud noise or loud sound I hear above/around me. I have become an emotional mess similar to what happened to me 4 ½ years ago now. I have to sit here and take the abuse from above because someone is mad at me for complaining against her and she has gotten in trouble with property management. I heard she has gotten a couple of notices and she has violations against her. I do not feel sorry for her one bit! Now I am gossip among neighbors? Well…they’re not my friends. I am walking away from everyone here except for two to three people.

I have to concentrate on my physical/kidney health and I cannot have anything in the way right now that will set my emotions off in all directions. I need to be stable right now. I need to concentrate on my health, hopefully have a second transplant in my future, and get my happiness back. I will civil to tenants in the hallway and in public areas, but I will NOT step out of my way to be part of a group or gossip anymore. I have things that make me happy and those things are: church, Bible study, talking to my mom online and on the phone, social media, my writing, reading, and new blog. I cannot afford any more upsetting days like the past two months, and I am going to allow tenants to gossip all they want. I have two to three people I can go to who are not gossips. I am not going to be friends with RS any longer.

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As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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