My Thoughts For the Day

I am not so energetic as I once was.  It feels like weeks but it only has been a few days.  We have been having a lot of cloudiness and rain the past few days that it has gotten a little depressing the past few days.  Despite the weather, I have been dealing with life normally like everyone else in the entire world.  I have my personal cares, my cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and food prep every day or week.  I am glad, despite the weather, that I am able to move ahead and get things done.  I laze around more when the weather is cloudy and rainy reading a book, watching TV or Netflix, snuggle with Bing Crosby the Cat, and sleep a little here and there throughout the day.  I also make sure I make my appointments when I have done so far, this past week.

 Acknowledging A Birthday

I have a brother who does not communicate with certain family members.  My dad hears from him from time to time but I have not heard from him since the middle of 2009.  It is something I cannot explain because I do not understand.  My brother, who is 51 years old today, has chosen his path and I have chosen mine.  Do I want my brother in my life?  No, I do not.  I do feel sad that there is no communication but there is nothing I can do about it now.  I have to move on with my life without my brother in it.   I have talked to my dad about my worry that my brother would find out that I am in need of another kidney and if he wants to see me but I do not want him even around.  Dad told me not to worry about my brother and continue what I have been doing and if he wants to see me, I have the right to ask my brother to explain.  I told him that I would tell him to leave and ask security to escort him out, lol.  I was kind of niffed at the time about the idea of my brother knowing anything by anyone but it would be hard since I have same mutual friends he may have in Facebook as well as his wife.  Am I angry?  I cannot say that I am upset now but I was for a very long time until earlier this year.  I am not angry anymore.  Even though I do not hear from my brother anymore, I will still acknowledge his birthday instead of dreading the day coming every year.

I also have to admit that my mother has a different feeling about her son.  The communication between her, her husband, and my brother has been lost a little longer than I not having any communication with my brother.  She has no desire to have her son back in her life and she will not even acknowledge his existence in the world any longer.  The problem of communication lies real deep within the family and it does leave a bad taste in the mouths of many.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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