A Lot to Say I

Dialysis Update

I want to admit that dialysis is a little problematic today, and I can do nothing about it. The nurse took the time to make Cathflo[KK1]  and insert it into the catheter for thirty to forty-five minutes before hooking me up to the machine. I am not always impatient, even though I have my days occasionally. I am not in control of some things in my life, and it is one of these things in life. I am going with the flow today, too.

When I first arrived at the clinic, I saw two patients in the lobby then two more came while I waited for my turn. Everyone was called back except me, and I did not return for at least ten minutes. I am on the machine now after my thirty-minute stint waiting for Cathflo to do its job as medicine. For some reason, I feel a little tired even though I slept through the night more than I have in the past few days. Sometimes my mind is on something, and getting the sleep I need and want at night is tough.

I have thirty minutes left to dialyze, and I am out of here until Thursday—thank goodness.

Sleepless Nights

 Having been watching Grimm for the past several days and that could be the culprit of my sleepless nights, too. Only God knows. I have seen seasons one through five and am taking a break from the show. I sleep with the TV at night, and at 3:30 AM, I turn the television off for the first time. I could fall asleep until 5:30 AM and get back to sleep, waking up at 7:24 AM to caregiver S coming in a minute later, and I thought it was JM coming in. JM arrived at 7:29 AM.

What do I do with my sleepless nights? I thank God for another day of life even though my sleep pattern is off; I snuggle up with a kitty who either demands my attention for his mommy time or is there with cuddles and snuggles waiting for me. My Magic Kitty, at age 3 ½ years of age now, is pretty brilliant and wild afterward, lol. It looks like he flies through the air a foot or two after a good run from wherever he came to get on his cat tree by the living room window that is in line with my bed. Since returning from St. Elizabeth’s home, I have been sleeping in the living room.

Appointments Coming Up

On March 20th, I have two appointments in Middleton, Wisconsin, regarding my new leg brace and seeing my CP specialist. I hope the first treatment of Botox will show the doctor it is working and will continue to work. Before treatment, when the doctor or specialist would move my foot, it would be very uncomfortable and a little painful. Now, with Botox, I have noticed no pain, and my caregiver JM can move my foot without ankle friction or muscle being as tight. I am hopeful. I am thinking of having treatment for my right arm as well. I am keeping my fingers crossed and have thoughts of positive energy. The shots did not hurt when the first four were administered. I admit I was not too fond of having the medicine in my body initially. I freaked out twice about the idea of having a toxin that causes food poisoning— my CP specialist and the doctor who specializes in making braces for people like me. The two appointments will be a telling appointment. I am looking forward to it even though it is going to be a long day the day before dialysis treatment Tuesday. I am not looking forward to that, though. Besides my dialysis days, I’m not fond of appointments on dialysis days too much. Some days I get tired after 2 PM, and I want to get in my restful state, and I do not take naps as much anymore because it throws my sleep pattern off. Even having anxiety and depression throws my sleep patterns.


When I have anxiety, it gets in the way of my life. I get easily upset and have issues with my temper to a point. When changes occur in my mu pattern, that does not help either. It blows my mind when my character flairs because my dad sometimes has a temper, and it scares me. Yelling at my caregivers does not help me, either. Sometimes conversations get misunderstood, or the truth is unbelievably there, but we are arguing that I am not telling the truth. JP and I had a row about where my wheelchair was because she did not remember when I received it, which was in June. She thought I did not have it before July, when she left to go to Mackinac Island to be with family. That row lasted an hour.

Dealing with My Choice Wisconsin caregivers has been no treat lately, either. They put a new worker in my care. I was not happy about it at first, and last week all my care was on JM and JP because the three girls, S, SP, and T, were sick with a bug a client of theirs shared with them at no fault of the client, but it put a damper on my care on Monday and Wednesday. Regarding My Choice Wisconsin not calling me to tell me about the girls, I am finding out from JP how ill they are. I hope it is not going to. R passed to me. With me being in the hospital twice last year, I have no patience to go back to Mercy Hospital again anytime soon.

I do not trust Mercy with my care unless it is my doctor in nephrology. I was put in nursing homes twice, so my last nursing home visit was unnecessary. The hospital personnel shot me down on both accounts because I could not walk. It was ridiculous and demeaning. I tried advocating for myself, and it upset me to have the hospital personnel not listening to me. I had left Dr. H because she was going to keep me at St. Elizabeth’s, and the care it isn’t delightful to the point that I had to wait for three hours for a nurse to plug in my call light on the first night and only one nurse is working on the weekends a lot. There are several residents there. Not only did I deal with anxiety there, but depression also hit me hard. I was missing my little man Magic Kitty and was threatened I would not go home unless I had twenty-four-hour care, and I did not have it.

With My Choice Wisconsin, JP and I had to deal with the owner a few times regarding the Hoyer lift and the girls being told they could not use it. JP and JM 

 [KK1]This is the name and spelling of the drug used to break up any clotting in the catheter used for dialysis.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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