At this point in time, I believe I have found a way to write in my diary here at Dear Diary, my friends. Woohoo! Now on with my day.
No Sleep
Awake on running on adrenaline right now, I had a problem getting any sleep last night. I have been up all night crying and sobbing, watching Midsomer Murders on Roku Live channel 522 in my bedroom. I think my cat Magic knew I was not feeling my best emotionally and had come to lay by me for a while during the night after 1 AM to 7 AM when the food dispensed the cats’ breakfast in their bowls. Automatic food dispensers work wonders when they work correctly, lol. Deb will be here by 7:30 AM to get me going for the day as I have a counseling appointment today. I AM NOT MISSING THIS APPOINTMENT! I need to go.
Running on Adrenaline!
Since no sleep occurred during the hours sleep should be, I am running on adrenaline today. I really dislike days like this, but what can I do otherwise? I can make it from the bedroom to the bathroom, back to the bedroom to get dressed for the day, then walk to the living room to sit in the power chair until it was time to leave to go downstairs and watch for my medical ride to pick me up.
Raining
With my crying and sobbing all night long and getting no sleep, the City of Janesville is having a lot of rain this morning around 9:30 AM – 10 AM as I wait for my ride, and looking at the weather forecast, snow is coming this afternoon. It is not going to be pleasant week! Out in the rain showers I go to my counseling appointment with Deb Johnson at Mercy Options. Counseling is one place I will go willingly. I can be honest with Deb. She like it. Now remember that I am running on adrenaline today, ok? Thanks for understanding — no sleep.
At Mercy Options Now at 9:37 AM
Finally getting to Mercy Options, I can breathe for a while and delve in my library book for a while before getting ready to see Deb. I’m reading A Ghost in the Machine by Caroline Graham – A DCI Tom Barnaby bowel. Yes, Midsomer Murders on Britbox, Tubi, and freevee, and on the Roku Live channel 522. I am seriously considering renewing my two library books one more time, so I do not have any fines on my library card.
Counseling Appointment
Well… my appointment went well. I didn’t have to hide my feelings with Deb in front of me understanding that I am upset and sad. I told her my friend Donna hasn’t talked to me in a while and writing her last Thursday and haven’t heard back from her bothers me a lot and is the cause of a sleepless night, and she has yet not called me back from last night. We also talked about my friendship with Julie M that seems to bother me as well. I feel Julie has betrayed her trust by telling Jackie that I wanted to talk to her in private, when I texted it does not involve Jackie. Her trust has been misplaced and she has misplaced her trust more than once. I’m not sure if I can continue my friendship with Julie M. I have yet to get my feelings to Julie M, and the words need to be perfect. I am not going to allow her to poo poo my feelings being my opinion! I have not spoken to Julie M for a while.
With tears and my feelings written in notes on Deb’s paper, I have to say I was ready to get downstairs to first floor and get home from this rainy weather that has snow coming this afternoon.
Donna
Jackie did speak to Donna. I didn’t do anything wrong. Donna hasn’t responded because she didn’t come up with the words to help me yet because cancer is in my family. She doesn’t want to upset me any further. Donna is not mad at me, just quiet about it at the moment, I guess. She has not responded to my other texts, though. That bothers me a lot, and today I cried during my counseling session because I have been upset. My mind is on my hurting emotion today. I am lost not knowing what do. Yes, I talked about Donna not responding to my texts from last Tuesday to today. I’m frustrated—very much so and a little weepy.
Lunch Time
As soon as I got into the building, there was no reason for me to stay in the lobby. I wanted to my bedroom and turn the television on and watch a television show with Jackie and eat lunch. I had chicken tortilla wraps. Millie the kitty cat tried to grab some for herself by climbing onto my stomach and chest to nab a bite of the other end, so Jackie distracted her with a couple bites of her raspberry pop tart crust. My little girl thinks she is starving and isn’t satisfied with just cat food. Since I didn’t sleep all night, I was still too upset to eat breakfast, so lunch was my first meal of the day today. I was kind of hungry. Upon eating the chicken tortilla wraps, I was hungrier but still upset and getting tired.
Jackie
Jackie left for a while to take care of something and came back to make a couple of cheese sandwiches, get my snacks, and refresh my waters before leaving. Magic decided to cuddle on Jackie’s lap for a few minutes after she got back, and was not happy with her when she moved him and got ready to leave for the night, and I could tell that I would be able to sleep by 7 PM, so I took my evening meds and settled down for the night by reading for a while before my eyes got droopy.
8:30 PM
Stopped reading and turned off the light. Good night, peeps.
