My ride came at 11 AM and got me to the clinic by 11:05 AM. I am waiting for my turn at the scale and dialysis machine this fine, chilly morning. Yep, it is chilly outdoors and I have my kitty jacket with me this morning and afternoon. It is starting to get cooler now that winter will be bringing this day and forward. I do not like colder weather either. I rather be indoors where it is warmer. I am pretty good now, though.
Downstairs waiting for my medical ride to dialysis. For a Tuesday, the apartment building’s lobby is filled with tenants talking and listening to one another. Even my friend KW and her MIL are in the lobby now, too. What a group of people here today. This is what I do not like much—a large group of people. My neighbor K (male friend) has come down to say hello. Hello. K.
Now, waiting to go downstairs to wait for my ride to dialysis, I am dressed for the day, in my power chair, hair brushed, Magic is laying on my bed for the day, and TV is on for the day for Magic Kitty. Do I really want to go anywhere today? No, I do not, but I am one person who wants to be dialyzed three times a week. Winter weather will be here soon, and I will miss a day or two of dialysis once in a while anyway. Maybe, with the new clinic, I will not miss any day of treatment.
As far as treatment is concerned, I am one who will make it to treatment three times a week. Those patients who do not make it to treatment is their choice and body. I have control of my body, not another patient’s body. It is their choice to go — not mine. I do wish for other tenants to be more responsible for their treatment times to be very honest with you. I do wish other patients who come to treatment would be more responsible for their health. I know of someone who does bring attention to himself and that drives me crazy sometimes and it should bother me all the time. You get it now, right? Okay, gotta go for now. It is almost time for me to head downstairs to wait for my medical ride to dialysis. Goodbye for now.
JP will be here shortly to get me to the bathroom, get dressed for the day then, get me in my power chair and out the door to wait for her ride. I hope she is not anxious today. I will not handle it very well right now because it is not my my original dialysis day and I am dealing with anxiety right now, and doing my best not to scream and cry: I have Wednesday and Thursday off from dialysis and will return Friday morning, and begin regular dialysis days again next Monday until the week of Christmas. Christmas is on a Monday this year and I dialysis on Sunday on December 24, 2023 this year. Another week of scheduling patients on a different day that week. Then after New Year’s, I will be happy to get back on my regular dialysis schedule. That will be super and great, and the holidays will be over for the year.
When It’s the Holiday Season
When it is the holiday season, I get emotional and out of sorts these days. Do not get me wrong, but I do love the holiday season because of my anxiety can get me by with some or more anxiety. I get more anxiety and anxious during the holiday season. I find it more difficult and depressing at times, too.1 cannot handle a lot of people in my bubble. If there are too many people sharing my bubble space, then I get emotional and want to retreat to my safety zone away from family. You get it! More later.
Now home alone for the rest of day, I have to say I enjoy my alone time to some degree, but not always. Today I have mixed feelings about being alone today of all days. I do not know why, either right this minute to be very honest with you. It could be because the holiday is upon us in a few days—Thursday is four days away. Now, JP wants to talk to the dialysis people because it is kind of ridiculous to change the patients around during the holiday season and it causes me anxiety and she also thinks that it messes with the caregiver schedule we have in place on a daily basis, and I am inclined to agree to some degree. I think we can work it out along the way. JP will be gone all day Wednesday and DH is out of town until tomorrow or early Wednesday morning. With DH out of town because of her Dad being in the hospital for a test with his heart being wonky, it is frustrating JP a little bit causing her a little anxiety, too. What I think about that is DH needs to be with her Dad and family right now just in case something goes wrong, and JP has to revamp her schedule to come work with and for me and then go to her MIL’s house for their Thanksgiving Day meal. Yes, JP’s husband’s mother needs her, too, but sometimes schedules need to change a little, and DH’s leaving town was the minute thought, but family is necessary to take care of a family member’s health when it is definitely needed like DH’s father.
Well, it is evening, and it is time for me to close up shop for the night is important for me to do and get ready for bed. If has been a fairly good day. I am not really looking forward to going to dialysis on a Tuesday, but need to go. Friday will be here soon enough, and my weekend will be here soon enough and yep, until the Christmas holiday, my weekends will be back for a while. JP is right, revamping schedules does bring on anxiety in the Karnopp household; inside me awakens the monster we call anxiety in me. Uugghh!! A little frustrating now because the TV remote is on the darn floor again! I am ok, though. I have a Roku application on my phone and iPad, too. That works good enough. Back to watching Midsomer Murders. Good night and God bless.
Good afternoon, dear friends. Spending my non-dialysis day in my living room watching or listening to Midsomer Murders on Roku Live channel 522. Been reading a bit of James Patterson’s story. I am having some difficulty putting the book down even though last night I had put down my electronic gadgets down between 5 PM and 7 PM. I forgot that I texted my friend JM a little while because I wanted her to know that I was on new anxiety and depression meds. Then I put down my phone for the night. JP will be back shortly for a while then go home for the rest of the afternoon and evening and I will be alone for the rest of the day and night. Tomorrow, I have dialysis from 11;45-2:30 PM. All for now.
JP is walking in right now as I hear the 🔑 in the lock
A new day has begun. JP will be here between 9-9:30 AM, and I am holding my own at this point. I will need a Tylenol this morning when JP gets in and settled for the morning. I am watching Midsomer Murders starring John Nettles. I love this TV show a lot.
With the holidays between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and even New Years, I have to admit that it is not the best time to plan much. Yesterday, though, JP had some good plans for me. One of those plans is getting my bed in the bedroom aff again. Also, she thought it would be a good idea to get a second TV for me. I love that idea. I do not need another Roku Ultra. I just need Wi-Fi and I have that through Spectrum/Charter. She also wants me closer to the bathroom so I can get up when necessary in the night to go to the bathroom by myself. She has all these plans and ideas, and DH is out of town taking care of her father, and JP is not 100% thrilled about that at the moment. DH’s Dad was in the hospital for an overnight check of his heart as there are three valves going wonky in his heart. I feel bad for DH and her family. JP needs to understand that health comes first and she is the one who gets annoyed when I think she needs to be here when she is sick, too. NOT WHEN JP IS SICK IN BED SHE CANNOT BE WORKING OR she might get me sick with whatever she is sick with at the time of her illness. We have a lot of rows about things. Of course, in my right mind, I do not want her here when she is sick. This year and last month and the end of September, both JP and I were sick with sinus gunk and her illness was a little worse than mine and she was out of work for a week. My nose was stuffed up and my ears felt plugged. I had a normal cold with little coughing and JP had an illness that no doctor could determine. I felt for JP, but my feeling of her being here was first and foremost more important than anything in my not right mind. You get it.
Last night between 5 PM and 6 PM, I put my electronics aside to rest. I was tired and ready to take a break from reading and playing games fie the first time in a while. The idea worked great. I made sure all my games were caught up then waited until this morning to play bingo and do some journaling for the day—morning. It felt good not playing games and not to read. It is, most of the time, to put things down to relax and get a good night’s sleep or rest. I was having one of those days yesterday. I did no reading at dialysis.
Today, although it is Monday, I do not have to go to dialysis today. I will go tomorrow on Tuesday and leave here by 11:05 AM because Thursday is Thanksgiving Day and the clinic will be closed. My friend JM and I talked via text last night about me going to dialysis on Sunday and Tuesday this week when in reality the only day affected with the holiday is Thanksgiving Day, Thursday, and JM believes it should only affect Thursday patients only. Why switch all the patients’ schedules? I saw JM’s mind at work, but the doctors and nurses want to have their patients dialyzing three times a week to get the most of their blood cleaned. When you miss dialysis during the week, toxins and germs can get in the blood. If you miss one treatment a week, it will show that it is not effective down the road and dialysis will no longer help the patient. I get it.
Speaking of patients missing a treatment. There were patients who did not make it in. Of course, it is the patient’s choice not to get dialysis from one day to the next, but it is very important to do what is right for better health. I know that kidney disease causes deaths if not founded. I have had kidney disease twice in my lifetime from age 17 and now in my 59’s. It is sad indeed, but I will not play with what good health I face daily. My health is not 100%, but it is as good as it is going to be while dialysis takes me to a clinic three times a week today and has been for the past 5 years now since my second kidney disease flared up in my life. I have no plans for a second transplant because of the UW doctors in nephrology want all kidney candidates to have the Covid vaccinations, and I do not want the shoes. So, I am not going to be on the list for another kidney. This time around I would be getting a cadaver kidney. No one else can donate a kidney in my family. My mom gave me my first kidney, so she cannot give me another kidney. Her age is exempt from donating her other kidney anyway. She would do it again if it would save my life knowing my mom well enough. Keeping my kidney for 26 years and finding out that it was becoming diseased and keeping the disease from getting worse for another 3 years, I had my kidney for 31 years before being on dialysis machines for the second time. I had peritoneal dialysis the first time in 1987 to March 12, 1988. I chose hemodialysis the second time. That is a lot to remember these days. Done with my kidney rant of the day or even week. Tada, finished. More another day. Whew! That was a lot of information. Gotta go for now.
Good Night
This is not the first or last time I am going to say good night early and stop journaling for the day. Sometimes I write a play-by-play sort of day like today or wait until later in the day to write a couple of entries a day. It depends on my mood from day to day. Lately I have been a little chattier here. Well, I am going to close up shop early tonight, and write more tomorrow when I get going for my day. I need a break from phone and tablet tonight. Even my phone needs to be charged tonight anyway. So, at 5:17 PM I am going to say good night and watch TV. My tablet is not going to be used tonight to read a book tonight. Taking a break from reading today all day and night. Did a lot of journaling the past several days. Good night, everyone and sleep well, and do not let the bed bugs bite. Boy, I have to share a story about bed bugs this week, tomorrow.
Home Now & Relaxing
I got home from dialysis and tried transferred to bed, ate my supper of chicken Alfredo. I have my snacks by me, juice, and water, and have Roku Live channel on 522. Yep, Midsomer Murders starring either John Nettles or Neil Dudgeon. I love and live for these shows. I love mystery shows and movies a lot.
One More Entry Until I Get Home
This is my last entry for a while now. With time counting down to be done with dialysis for the day, I am listening to the Disney Channel this afternoon. Yep, it is after 1 PM now and I will be done dialyzing around 2:30 PM, get weighed out, then get picked up to go home. Woohoo! What is on Disney right now? Bluey. I love that kids show. It is about a dog family with two kids. Bluey, the son, looks like his dad, while Bluey’s sister Bingo looks like their mother. They are dogs, and the parents they call Mom and Dad drive a car, teach the kid dogs morals. I did forget the breed of dog they are I think they are Blue Healers dogs. It is pretty cool. My little girl inside me loves cartoons like this. Fun to watch. I have to allow Little One watch her shows, too.
Well, it is time to say goodbye for now, I have an hour and eight minutes dialyze before being taken off the machine for the day and get out of the clinic for the rest of the weekend. I have tomorrow off and will return on Tuesday. The Tuesday,Thursday, and Saturday patients have to be here Monday and Wednesday, I have Tuesday and Friday for the rest of the week.
I have fifty-six minutes left.
Later…
