An Entry With Lots of Thoughts

I would have been writing yesterday but I was a little bit under the weather all day yesterday. It was not because I had the feeling of a cold coming on or the flu. It was because I was grieving over the loss of my friend Christine who passed away Tuesday, October 1, 2002, and I had learned about her death by calling and wanting to speak to her on Wednesday, October 2, 2002. When I had learned of the news of Christine’s passing, time seemed to stop for a few seconds as the news was being sunk in. I was shocked in hearing the news at first but an hour or so later, the news really made me cry. I knew that Christine was ill with cancer for a couple of years – it first began in her breasts and she had both breasts removed, and then the cancer came back into her bones and other places. The last time I saw her was in April at a benefit for Christine in Milton, Wisconsin. I had spoken to her a couple of times after that until my last call, which was Wednesday at 6 p.m., when the news of her death had been told to me because I had asked for Christine, and when her sister answered the phone she sounded like Christine. Not an odd coincidence whatsoever. When her sister told me who she was, name left out I asked if Christine was available. The sister asked who was calling and so I gave her my name and then she told me this:

“Kristi, I do not know how to put this because there is not an easy way to put it, but Christine passed away yesterday (Tuesday).”

Christine’s sister was right about it not being an easy way of putting the news of Christine’s death. She could have put it in other ways, but she did put it in the way I understood. I feel that Christine’s sister was very gentle and kind, just like Christine was.

The death of Christine did not really hit me until the shock was over with and I have been crying and tearing since then. Today is her memorial services which I will not be attending because I am in Wisconsin and the services is in Michigan and I do not drive. I cried a lot yesterday, which matched the dreary weather we have been having since Tuesday night late. It is still raining today but my tears have subsided enough to continue with my day and move knowledge of what I am doing. I am not walking in a total fog but things are still a little hazy here.

Other than Christine’s death affecting me, my week has gone on despite all that has happened. I went to my counseling appointment yesterday afternoon and talked about my friend dying. I could not concentrate on my homework at all yesterday and worked on it this morning when I got to school. Got it all done even I thought it was going to be impossible today. Handed it in today actually. I will be leaving here in ten or so minutes, yeah. Thank goodness it’s Friday. No homework to do this weekend!! I have a wedding to look forward to as a guest watching a wedding. I am excited about that at least. I am going to have fun.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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