November 26, 2002 / 2

The Personal Ads

I did the silliest thing this morning. Even though it is yet to be reviewed and approved, I put an ad in the personals at Yahoo! Now, after I have done it, I have been thinking about it and it bogs me because I am not really searching for a man yet. I am not yet ready even though a woman at my age of thirty-two would like to have a man in her life. Yes, I do want a man to share my life with but it has to be under the terms of God and not on my terms of what a man should have. I have done that all of my “wanting a man in my life” days and I have run into major snags doing that. Also, I had men in my life when I was not grown up yet. I am growing up everyday but not ready to have a man in my life yet. I still look at the cute men around me as one walks by, etc.. Yes, men are cute in these eye of mine, but I am NOT ready for a relationship beyond friendship and I am yet not sure if I will ever be ready. I will NOT doubt God a man in my life if He wants me to have a man, but I am pretty much done looking about. Marriage does kind of scare me as my parents have divorced in 1970 when I was nine years old, and that was twenty-three years ago now. Time does fly by when you do not know it did. Anyway, a man in my life right now would not be good because I am going to school and working VERY hard at in my classes and school work, and my socializing has been a little bit off because of school and school work.

The Perfect Man

I am finished writing what I think a perfect man. I have weighed the pros and cons of what a perfect man should be for me and I have run into trouble doing that, LOL I am done doing that very thing. I am not looking for a man to marry at this time anyway. If I do not get married, I am not going to fret about it because if I am intended to marry in God’s eyes. I am not to marry. If I am to marry, it is under God’s want for me. Anyway, marriage scares me slightly. I am not ready for commitment exactly. I am used to me being me and I do not like to be cuddlly all the time and most of my boyfriends in the past wanted to be cuddly and practically demanded me to express my feelings and one boyfriend – now friend was the only one who did not demand my feekings being expressed but he did want to cuddle a lot! i did not like that too much. Oh well..that relationship is over and so I am now again single.

Later

I need to go for now. Bye…

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ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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