10 p.m. Entry

Before it gets any later and bedtime rolls around closer every second, I thought I would write a quick entry, and to be honest with you, I do not know how long this entry is going to be at this hour. I have some things on my mind right now and yet I do not know how to put them in my entry so I will begin at the very beginning.

A Moment of Fear Playing Its Game Again!

I do not know how I am feeling right now because I have my period and I am a little uncomfortable with this one but it is bearable for now. I am mixed with emotion and somewhat frightened for some reason. Earlier this evening, with my blinds open and up and the window open to let a breeze in, I noticed that anyone could look up and in. I looked outside my window and saw nothing but darkness of the night and immediately thought of my ex-boyfriend having a car and just sitting on the street in his car looking up and in. Yes, I am thinking of him stalking me and being nothing but a total jerk because he has proven to be nothing but a jerk more so after the break up I did. I am SO GLAD God is over me and has his angels of protection around me. This is the first time in a while since I have written about my now ex-boyfriend since all the emotions have played their roles in my life, and again, some fear have played a horrible role here! I know I will be ok because I know God knows my feelings inside and out, spoken and unspoken, and more so knows EVERYTHING in me!

Mixed Feelings Relieved

Earlier this afternoon i had talked to my friend and surrogate Mom Nellie. She had told me that my neighbor across the hall will be leaving the building for good as of Monday, April 5th when she goes to court to have her family declare incompentent due to her mental disease of severe dimentia. I have mixed feelings about this whole thing because I do not know how her family – children – care for or about their own mother, but for the past few weeks we have been dealing with a lot of problems with this very neighbor regarding her antics and childlike behavior due to the severe dimentia. I am also happy that the tenants, including myself, will no longer have to put up with her and her meanness that she definitelyl has. I also have my misgivings of this neighbor moving to the healthcare center by the Rock County Jail because I feel that the patients with her same mental illness are not taken care of properly but that is my opinion only due to the fact that one of my grandpa’s dearest friends lived there because of his mental illness and later died there. But all in all, I will be relieved from the noises once again. No more banging, pounding, no more screaming, knocking at doors or kicking them, and most of all offensive language. Believe me…this very woman I am speaking of really has a mouth of foul language that is pretty scary more than funny. Even her looks could kil someone because she would come along and hit someone anytime she wished. No one has to be a victim of this person’s behavior, do they? No!

The neighbor who is leaving us Monday has brought back some not so fond memories of my grandfather Clarence Fox and his severe dimentia. For several years – five I really remember – my grandfather Clarence did have some very upsetting moments with that disease. I even saw my grandmother, his wife, crying when I had walked into a moment of his anger. I never really knew of Grandpa Clarence’s violent moments … only Grandma Myra’s tears of frustration. Remembering my grandfather with the disease before he died really came back full force when the neighbor across the hall acted out so oddly and childishly at times of her fits and rages of confusion. I never really laughed at the idea of grandpa and his illness because I already saw a good friend of grandpa’s having it and it upset me then and I do not know why it did when this man was not a friend of mine directly. I look now and will be glad this neighbor is out of here for GOOD now that I think about it.

I feel I am dealing with a little bit of anger at the moment but now I have what I wanted to get out out. I will be back to my happy self in a bit…I hope!

This weekend is yet not over and tomorrow, Sunday, I have plans to do some studying if I get off my bottom and stop being lazy for four hours to do some studying! I was lazy last Sunday and DID NOT get ANYTHING done whatsoever! My plans to do so tomorrow will be in the works when it begins…if it begins. I plan to go to bed shortly and NOT SLEEP in unil 12 noon tomorrow.

Tonight before retiring to bed for the night, I am going to set my clock ahead an hour. Tomorrow I have to make sure, before Monday morning, to have ALL my watches set ahead an hour. I have about four of those, LOL … :p

Emilee is sitting nearby me here on the desk wanting me to get off my computer for the night. She has been a good alarm clock and a good partner telling me it is time for this and time for that. I better run for the night. I do not know how long this entry is tonight but it is 10:31 a.m. now and it took me a half an hour to write everything. I think I have exppressed everything I wanted to express at this time. I am going to say good night and sign off until tomorrow. Good night y’all!

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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One Response to 10 p.m. Entry

  1. GoingUnder20 says:


    Glad to hear your doing a little better. My emotions are always up and down worse when I am about to get on my period or on my period. I know how that is with depression and being bi-polar.

    At least this lady is getting help for her dementia. She will be receiving some kind of help to ease her disease. There wont be anyone who gets hurt anymore or have to hear her in her destructive path. Its a good thing she will be going to this mental healthcare center.

    Hope your weekend fairs better. That would be scary if your ex was stalking you. But its good to know that if it does happen you can always call the cops and have him removed from the premises. Although I dont think he would do that. Would he? Anyway you always have people looking out for you and there’s law enforcement for that kind of nonsense.

    Have a better weekend!


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