Honestly…when it comes to a time for me to vent, some people better look out because I seem to vent better in words on paper or going across a screen like on the computer better than verbally because of the way I feel I have been programmed in my lifetime. I am one of those people that seems to be an emotional sort of person who can express herself openly in words more so than verbally so sometimes my counseling appointments are very scary for me because my counselor wants to see my expressions while she is talking and asking questions about what we are to talk about today. This idea of this one person calling me Monday night with my friend RB was over for the night has really set me off emotionally that I still have not been able to let go of the anger and emotions that I am still dealing with. I have this fear that this person, who I do not want calling me ever again, never to call me ever again and bother me anymore. I have set some major and serious goals in my life in the past several weeks and have been happier to the point that walking away from negativity and minding my own life’s business is more important than being continually worried about the negativity that I have at one point faced everyday with everyone minding my business and saying things to me that proves that friendships are not what some friendships are until you realize that you have walked away from some of them to test your own strength. My caseworker has asked me to do a bit of “homework” before 11:30 a.m. tomorrow and that “homework” assignment is to write a letter and recite it to my caseworker tomorrow. I have literally drawing a big blank here and writing my thoughts and feelings is easier than being confronted about them face to face. Boy, do I have a lot of work to do in my life yet I guess.
I have not spoken to this one particular person who called me the other night who I did not answer the phone to for a long time and my intentions of speaking to her ever again is going to be never because of the negativity I get from her, and plus now I have a set of new friends here nearby who I love and appreciate and give my attention to now that I have found more positive and pleasant to be around. RB and I both deal with raw emotions from time to time but she can shake off what people say that could be hurtful more than I ever have done so in the past and I find how she handles situations positively a better friendship than hanging around people who just sit around and gossip and spread rumors or believe any rumor that has been set out to be harmful and very hurtful. Walking away from some of the people I had to in order to get my life back on track was definitely a hard thing to do and now, several weeks later, my world is set apart from some of the people I was friends with a long time ago. It is a scary thought, too. I have my friends I can trust and believe in.
I Just got done talking to RB about something I found so important and despite how I reacted to the phone call Monday night, she fully understood what I was trying to say about the friends I used to hang around with and the friends I now hang around with. RB and her group of friends have a more positive attitde about things in life that I believe that things are beginning to roll off my back more quickly or more often enough. I also do know that being a woman every other time outside of every month is not easy either, lol. I probably did not make any sense on that last sentence I’m afraid, lol.
I took care of Bear today for a little bit longer than I normally do on Thursdays and we had a good day for the most part. He was a good boy for the most of the dog sitting experience I have had for the past three to four weeks now. I had taken him outside every couple or so hours to do his potty run and man can that pup poop! He pooped three times while taking him out. What a dog! It is like taking a baby and changing her/his diaper every two to three hours a day, lol. He was not a good dog twice when he did got a little wild with a couple of the dogs who do live in the building and so he got a spanking from his master and another one from me for being a stinter puppy butt. He learns his lesson very quickly on one swat, though. Otherwise doggy sitting Bear is a joy and pleasnt experience. He is one fine pup who is going to be a good dog for my friend JT who is his mommy today. I love Bear a lot. Bear and has been with his imaster since a litte before 9:30 a.m. which has given me time to vent a bit before going to bed. I guess I can not really sleep in tomorrow if I have that homework assignment due by 11:30 a.m. for my caseworker. I have actually still a blank on what I am going to write to this one person who really set me off on MOnday night and still bothers me even today … the residue affects of Monday night I mean. I better run.
Good night and God bless you all DD writers and readers.
