I Have Been Thinking Seriously About Something Important In My World

My world needs to be safe, secure, and welcoming in me bodily, emotionally, and mentally. The past couple of days now, CSE has not been here because of her schedule or not feeling well enough to visit, so I have had some time to think without her being here in my presence to help me out and be on her computer for helping me around the house with Bing. I feel safe when CSE is here but that is until she states her computer acts up and she beats on her computer and getting frustrated with it. She does not seem to listen to me about her beating on her computer mouse onto the table she is using but only for a short while and slams the computer shut a tad bit hard, and beats on the keys with her fingers fast and a tad bit hard as well. What I have been about very seriously the past couple of days is whether I should allow CSE to have her computer here… I have decided she is not allowed to have her computer here anymore and if she wants to borrow my wireless network to be on the computer, she will have to stay upstairs in her apartment with her computer or be in the community room. She does not seem to listen to me when she is here on her computer about beating on it. I still think that her computer acting up on her is because she beats up on it constantly or the fact that the computer has defective parts in it, or she did something to her computer that she is not aware she did. She will not let me check things out and see what the problem is so I will let it go. She is not allowed to have her computer here anymore and I will not back down whatsoever. I need to have a comfortable surrounding for myself with anxiousness and unsure emotions now-a-days anyway. I will be talking to CSE about it when it is the right time and I believe I am going to take the weekend to think of how it is going to be said and not have CSE here to help me only and have her go back home or across the hall to the community room. Her computer is not allowed in my home anymore unless it is in her cart she pulls around to get from place to place from now on. I have two laptops, one computer desktop, and I have no problems with either computer at all. It is a sad situation in my way of thinking but I personally still believe that her buying a $500 computer instead of paying rent for two to three months has caught up with her because she is reaping what she had sown lately. I am walking away from her, somewhat, again by limiting her time here for a while. I have too.

I guess I vented a little bit again today.

Anyway… depending on the time when I get back from the play tonight, I might be back but I am not sure yet. Getting up at 6 am this morning may put a hinder on my wakefulness.

Have a good day and evening wherever you are and God bless! I will be back later or tomorrow sometime for sure. I am waiting patiently for KH to come and help with my shower so I can get ready for my busy and fun day and evening. I love going grocery shopping – seriously. Good bye for now everyone!