I told CSE off tonight once again – hanging up the phone afterwards. I told her that she hurts me by the way she acts. I told her that she makes me feel that she pushes me aside and leaves things at the last minute to tell me she is doing something so she is late coming down. I vented to a close/true friend of mine an hour or so later and my friend’s reaction was like she was hearing about CSE again and she hopes that the conversation would soon end and not drag on because she wants to go bed. That kind of hurt my feelings as well and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at CSE and my close/true friend. I have had it with CSE’s actions of being late, lying to me (leaving that out of the conversation I was apparently having with a wall and not with CSE after all), and I told her that she does not get it and understand where I coming from and hung up – the reflex of wanting to throw the phone across the room but didn’t do that after (throw the phone across the room). CSE has changed so much since 1998 when we first met – changed by observation on my end. I do not know her anymore. She is not the same and I have, honestly, lost my patience with CSE big time tonight. She does not understand me – some of the conversations we have had have proven to me that CSE is not thinking right in the head anymore – once level headed but now shutting people out of her own life because of what has happened in the past. She is once scary person. I have lost my patience and told her how I have been feeling lately and she just acted like nothing is wrong or does she see that she has changed. My heart aches and my head feels light headed somewhat – a scary feeling it is, too. I have walked away, welcomed her back into my world again, walked away, and welcomed her back into my world, but nothing has changed by my observation. She is the one who has to change and see what the real picture is – she does not see the real picture! AARRGG!!