That Feeling Still Rises

I do not know what to think when it comes to CSE and I am doing my very best and understanding her more this 2012 but I am failing at the moment – frustrated and confused about CSE’s physical status. I still believe that she does not take things seriously at all and still is late coming to my place – her excuses arlore still bogus and downright unbelievable in my way of thinking and understanding still at this darn time. I still have this horrible feeling that she is a liar and holds things back from the truth – lies big time or plainly does not respect her friends like she once did – feeling rather put out by her. She was VERY late coming down to my place last night when I asked her not to be late past 9 pm and tonight she was late coming down here earlier this evening by 5 or 10 minutes. The lateness she possessed last night was downright rude and disrespectful and yet she had to leave to check on her darn cat who damn does not need to be checked up on at all – Bing does not get checked on every 2 hours! Dang! I find CSE not respectful of other people very much still – a whole year of this bullshit is ridiculous to be very honest with everyone! Her being late on Thanksgiving Day still rings strong and hard in my memory bank and unhappy about it yet to this very day – almost 3 months later! AARRGG!! Even CSE called me this evening to let me know she is going to the store shortly and asked me if I wanted my key back and I told her yes, I guess, and that was practically 45 minutes ago and she has yet not returned my house keys! She does not seem to care about what other people think when it comes to being on time and other things – self absorbed in herself now – rudeness does not get tolerated in this household of mine at all anymore – PERIOD! Yet, I love the girl very much. I just can not stand her at all when it comes to lateness and her legalized new name – never really accepted it but I can only change me and no one else. AARRGG!! Talking to CSE is like talking to the walls or a totally deaf person – she is partially deaf so please pardon my reaction to this CSE thing tonight and any night after this. I did think of dissolving my friendship with CSE many times last year and still thinking seriously about this very day. Seriously! That feeling still arises in my heart and mind this very day – damn it!

Good Night & God Bless

Before I lose it and get off on a tangent and continue pointing out faults of a a neighbor/friend I am going to say good night and God bless, and come back tomorrow. It has been a good day – saw CSE twice and waiting for her to come down with the house key to my place – hoping she would be here by now – a third time. I am feeling my patience with CSE driving me mad and losing my patience is absolutely beginning once again. She makes me feel upset and mad at her all over again. My world is so darn complicated these days – scary as it seems. I am trying to distract my thoughts away from CSE and our so-called strange relationship – troubles with relationships seem to drive me insane once again. Heading off for the night – shower tomorrow with EE’s help.

Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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