A Few Thoughts Comes To Mind

A thought came to my mind – some time ago – and now I have to say something about it before I go crazy in the head … not really crazy anymore.  I do not have anxiety but this thought came into mind a couple of days ago or so now and I have not said nothing about it until now.  So… Okay, here it goes…

I have been wondering about some people who have been friends of mine at one time or another but I have either walked away from them or they did – mostly I walked away.  Walking away from NMS was the hardest of all because of how our friendship truly ended but I have to admit that having her out of my life is the best thung that has ever happened to me along with everyone else I have walked away from in order to live a healthy and comfortable life without negativity.  To be very honest here, even with that said in my heart, I still wonder what my now former friends are up to these days.  I know NMS will never changed.  of all the times I have seen her in the public areas of the building we both live in, she has not said a word and walked past me as if I do not exist and I feel the same as she does – she does not exist anymore either,  She is just another neighbor now and I will never do anything with or for her ever again.  It took her two weeks to deliver my Sabbath quarterly to my apartment – founded by my shower gal KB last weekend.  I found that so NMS after all that was said to me in the way she put it and never to hear a kind word come out of her mouth to me for a very long time. I have feel, now, that my Christian life can live without her for good.  She has some major emotional problems and yet I have yet not heard an apology come out of her mouth because she has deemed herself the one in the right and I was in the wrong.

Along with NMS I have wondered about MEE.  He was a friend for almost 14 years until his three suicide attempts and dating and marrying a girl who is also suicidal and now have two children.  I had to walk away from him because he acted like I was jealous of his girlfriend – now wife – and believe it or not – I was never jealous but he started acting strange around me when he started being in her life.I find MEE and his wife a lethal combination as a couple because they met while in the hospital when they both had suicidal tendencies and were in the hospital at the same time a couple of times.  I believe one of his suicidal attempts was brought on himself because he wanted to be with his girl.  I have not spoken to MEE for two years now and I still care not to speak to him ever again for as long as we both live.  I have disagreed the relationship he has with his now wife from the beginning but MEE and his wife really have their own life to live.  Thank goodness it is without me!  I really dislike MEE very much today and have for a very long time.

Now, along the way, KW and her husband come into mind but never will I see KW with a smile on her face ever again.  The last time I saw KW and her husband was when they were waiting their turn for their counselor to see them while MM and I left after ours.  KW’s look on her face was horrible and anger was flared in her face big time,  MEE’s wife was with her and her look on her face was raw and nasty looking as well.  At that moment, seeing their faces made my head spin and I felt dizzy and wanted out of that room in a flash so MM and I got out of their fast.  The only person who said hello to me among the group was KW’s husband JW in his kindhearted fashion and I said hello to the trio without faltering  but was glad to get away from them.  Their faces put me in a fog for a while.  KW will never change.  She still has people fight her battles for her when in reality she can fight her own battles.  My way of thinking, KW uses people and no one is her friend unless you do not cross her and I have crossed her more than once and this time I walked away from her and want nothing to do with her whatsoever.

When NMS and I stopped communicating with one another last month – now over a month – I have lost one of the greatest people in my world but now am able to move on after getting emotionally well and learning about boundaries. Now, just recently I decided to walk away from LS.  She is one person my world can no longer fit because of constant lying and backstabbing ways, and the fact that she, too, uses people big time to get exactly what she wants and if she does not get, she dumps that person within a big horrid flash.  I just saw her leave with MW to go to lunch some where – probably still attends the Salvation Army meals everyday.  I used to go with LS and MW to the Salvation Army for a meal but that soon ended when I got sick from other people who were sick constantly more than once.  I had to give it up and stay away from the place otherwise.  I am so happy that LS is out of my life now.  She is on her own now regarding MW and A.  I have not even spoken to A for almost three weeks now myself because of the constant battle he has with LS calling him and I have heard about it from day to day when things were rocky between LS and A, an MW.  I just do not have the emotional stamina and toll to handle such drama any longer.  I have to continue walking away from things in order to stay sane.

I have always wondered what the PA family is up to as there has been no communication between PA, AR. WI. and KS for three years now.  Something happened there and I have absolutely no idea to be very honest here.  All I know is about, though it was never seen, is the nasty letter my father had received from PA and that ended the communication with the entire family after that.  The family has long since changed their telephone number and are now dealing with their own lives without communication among certain family members.  I do not feel sorry for them but I am praying for them despite my feelings about the communication issue going on.  The PA family does have their problems unfortunately.  Mental illness does run in the family on both sides of the family – my mother’s and father’s both, and my brother’s wife’s family as well.  A triple whammy I am not sorry for.   I have always believed that my brother’s wife is mentally ill – bipolar possibly.  Who really knows or cares.  Dad does not want nothing to do with my brother’s wife anymore anyway.  She is a horrible, mean, nasty woman who has destroyed my brother – according to dad.  We shall wait and see when the truth comes out.  My sister, who is 25 years old and I want nothing to do with our brother or his wife whatsoever – definitely our brother.  His wife has burned the bridges he could cross to come our way now – at least mine.  His wife is a bitch to be very honest here.

Now my thoughts are out in the open and I am FREE of them once more.  YAY!


Author: ksmiley

As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

2 thoughts on “A Few Thoughts Comes To Mind”

    1. Awesome! I am so glad you did. Thank you for letting me know you found me. It means a lot to me

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