Feeling Awkward

I went to church this morning with Pastor Van and his wife CV, and his parents.  I saw NMS there today with her daughter SS who came from out of town to be with her mother on NMS’s birthday.  NMS turns 79 years old today.  Even though I no longer speak to NMS much anymore, I wished her a happy birthday, and I had her and SS sit with me at potluck after Sabbath School and Worship service.  With SS with NMS, I was comfortable.  I just find myself feeling very awkward when I am alione with NMS,  She acts like what was said and done does not exist anymore and that really affects me yet.  I have not, to this day, got an apology from her and I have been told from people who know her well and know her antics from time to time, I will never get the apology I so well deserve.  I did not do anything wrong to deserve the treatment I was given on March 11th that sent me down a downward spiral to feel ill again and feeling so anxious and panicky, and even a little down/depressed.  March 11th rings harsh in my world today in my mind even today. My heart has hardened a little bit when it comes to NMS and yet I am working on softening up some.