For Sure Now

CSE is no longer welcome in my home.  I have come to that conclusion today after getting home from church.  Never will I be able to help her since she will not help herself.  I do not have sympathy for her – empathy, yes – but she has done certain things to herself and that is what makes me upset and angry.  I do not know if my anger is righteous or not but I have been told it is righteous anger by a good friend of mine.  I can not even trust NMS anymore either.  She is not taking care of herself like she should because she is doing her best to take care of CSE – enabling – and I will not be an enabler myself.  That is one reason why I am angry.  I was, not knowing it, that I was enabling her the days she was staying here, that she had no electricity and not paying her bills.  Now, how in the world could I keep that between NMS and CSE’s ex-husband and his wife, and me?  No way can I do that.  This is something that can not be kept secret.  CSE’s mental health is worsening and she needs help majorly but because NMS, her ex-husband, and I are ONLY her friends, there is nothing we can do to make her get help that she so desperately needs.  Certain family members will not even talk to her anymore because of things she has done, and that is one big loss and I understand all about certain family members not talking to other family members anymore.  I have never been in CSE’s shoes when it comes to not paying bills or taking care of myself.  So I can not sympathize with her when it comes to her digging a hole for herself that is only getting bigger and bigger.  I can only empathize and do what is right in my heart – a Christian I profess to be this very day who makes mistakes in her life along the way.

About ksmiley

I feel I am back to journaling once again.
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