A Very Hard Subject to Talk About

The very hard subject to talk about right now is my friend CSE.  CSE used to live here in the building.  But before she was CSE, she was CKR.  She had her name changed legally through the court system from CKR to CSE for some reason or another.  I remember CSE as CKR a vibrant, loving. a great listener, helper, and neighbor.  After she got married and then divorced, and that is when her life began to show some very serious changes.  She did not change her name until after she moved back into the building.  She then began to do things that were noticeable in my world and lie.  This is why I find this a hard subject to talk about.  I have shed many tears in the past and want to shed more tears because it is so hard and frustrating to see a friend’s health decline from real good to questionable and possible not safe.

SCSE has been calling me daily the past week leaving messages that have me baffled in a way I can only explain by saying that I never invited to come over and she has asked me to reschedule another time for her to come over.  The baffling thing is that I never talked to her about her coming over for several weeks.  I do not want her to come over here at all because she will never leave.  Her behavior, actions, and words have scared me for a very long time.  I do not … feel comfortable with CSE anymore.

I’ve talked to NMS about CSE’s calling me and she told me that she finds herself overwhelmed with the whole thing about CSE … and needs to take care of herself now.  I do not blame NMS for her thoughts and feelings.  Believe me when I say I love CSE but I have, just like NMS, done everything I could for CSE.  CSE is denying she needs help with finances, finding a place to live with her cat, and medical help.  NMS and I cannot help her anymore since she will not help herself.

Another part of this is the fact that I cannot explain anything without spilling the beans about any part of the conversation with NMS I had today.  I made a promise that I would not go into any details or say anything to anyone about CSE at this time.  I do not want to break my promise to a dear old friend.  NMS has been a “mother” to me since 1998 when I met her.  The details I have given are details from my observations with CSE.  Ever since she went from CKR to CSE she has become a totally different person – a person who is doing her best at erasing her past life and becoming someone she is not.  The person she isn’t is becoming the person she is and the person she is becoming is finding no place in my world as the days continue to go forward.

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As a diarist and blogger, please bear with me as I continue to upgrade my blog as time moves forward. Thank you.

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