Nothing much happened today. I have been home most of the day. I am still feeling a little blah from the fluid buildup in my body, but I know that dialysis treatment will take care of that in time. On my non-dialysis days, I do things at home. Personal cares this morning, got dressed for the day, had an appointment at 8:30 AM, and then home the rest of the day and evening. I watch my marathon shows, read, write, and snuggle with Bing Crosby the Cat when he wants to. I am not a lazy person or anything. I have things I enjoy doing and that is what I do on my non-dialysis days. Dialysis is now a routine I am used to and I feel I still have a full life.
I do have to admit one thing. When I am home and relaxing I think a lot. It is that “what if” scenario attitude I have a lot. It happens after an experience that gets me upset. When AR decided to write me a text to let me know that she has quit effective immediately, I was very hurt and did not know what to think. It takes time for me to respond to people when I am hurt in some way. The ache in my heinart is paralyzing because “sometimes” it is not expected. Even when W had a tone of voice. I did not expect it, either. Now, a week later, I have to admit that I have some adjusting to personal cares with MC. I have asked her to come back to work for me on the weekends since AR left her position wide open. I do love MC. I have been thinking about what AR has done to me as my brain been processing in my mind as to why she said we discussed something when we did not. I dislike the feeling of being put under the bus as the next person does and that is one feeling I find trust has been misplaced for a while or for good depending on the situation. When AR quit that was fine. It was how she did it that surprised/shocked. It is what she did during the week I found unacceptable. Throwing me under the bus like she did.
As my day closes bed is looming closer. I watched a movie starring Brenda Song on Netflix as well as a program that Netflix has created. I do have spur of the moment things once in a while in my daily routine. I usually begin to take it easy around 6 PM so I have enough sleep for the night but tonight is one of those nights where I am up late. Yes, it is after 7 PM here tonight now. I am heading off for the night.