I am tired today. I had my counseling appointment today at 11 a.m.. I even got my homework just about done for Friday’s speech in Oral Communications. I am going to go rest now and get ready for tomorrow. Had my bath now. Bye…
No entry was written due to the time and I forgot to write, lol
I am glad that other diarists had a good Easter Sunday w/ their families. I do have to say that the quietness of my home was nice but I was lonely all day. As I said before, plans for the day had fallen through because my friend RH was not feeling well. I did check on my neighbor’s cat earlier and she was fine. I think the rainy weather has affected her a little. She seems to be a little skitterish but otherwise fine. The neigher is planning on coming home tomorrow sometime. Her cat really misses her. As for my Easter Sunday, it was a typical Sunday for me except for the fact that my SIL called for all the kids and brother, I had gotten a call from my Aunt D from Gays Mills, Wisconsin, and I got a call from my friend Mark E. Otherwise it was quiet and I was lazy all day except for the fact I did some dishes and put them away immediately. I now have a headache and I am feeling kind of icky for some reason. i think the lack of sleep has taken its toll or it is beginning to. My Easter Sunday was noot so bad. But because I have been home all day without company or plans to be anywhere, I have been thinking a lot of the Easter Sunday’s I celebrated when I was growing up. A memory that hides in the back of my mind and makes me tear a bit. The memory will be written in my Grandpa Clarence’s Journal. My ID there is peanuts. Grandpa Clarence called me that during my teenage years. I guess my day was not so bad after all, hey? Nope!
Here I am, home alone today. Two wonderful things happened today so far. I had gotten a call from my SIL and family today after calling and leaving a message for them to wish them a happy day – Easter. Then I got a call from my pastor’s wife JS and we talked a while. Plans for the day have been put on hold because my neighbor is not feeling well so he was out of commission for the day so I am spending the day alone in my apartment while families around go be with their families. I wish I was either in Arkansas or Pennsylvania with family. Oh yeah, my Aunt D from Gays Mills called and wished me a happy day as well so really I and three wonderful tnings happen so far. So my day has not been a total disappointment thankfully. It is icky outside yet as I was hoping to go for a walk this afternoon but who wants to go outside into a grayness that is depressing.
I can not wait for tomorrow to come as I have a doctor’s appointmentn to find the right medication for my anxiety and depression that seems to hang on and not let me go. My appoitment at 3 p.m. is a relief to come. I am sick and tired of how I feel in the down mooments of life. We will see what the appointment will do to help. Honestly. this depression really stinks!
I really do not want to do much today. The weather looks icky outdoors as more rain comes and goes. Farmers need the rain indeed but we surely don’t need it for depression and anxiety that has plaqued me for the past two in a half weeks. Tomorrow I am going to see my primary doctor regarding medications for anxiety and depression since it has taken this long to snap out of anxiety and depresssion alone. What fun this really is…NOT! I feel blah and blue today and I have no plans today as today is supposedly Easter Sunday. To be very honest with you, it is just another Sunday today as the other Sundays I have already seen and left behind. Easter is another pagan holiday which rabbits and chicks, and eggs have come into play. The real meaning of the holiday is Jesus and what he did for us by dying on the cross. Every year anyway, Easter is pushed from date to date making Jesus’ death unknown except for the fact that he was crucified on Friday before Sabbath and rested on Sabbath (Saturday) and rose on Sunday, making the Sunday, the day he rose from the dead. I do not want to cause a great big controversy so I am going to end it here. I have no plans for today. The sun is trying to come out to play but I do not know what is going to happen as far as that goes. The weather is rainy and wet and kind of dark in a corner of the sky. It is just an icky day and it has been going on like this since the middle of the week – the threat of rain and thunder as days pass by. I have had too much grayness and want some sunlight now. It is depressing and just blah blah blah. I know I am not the only one who feels icky inside.
I really do not have anything to say tonight. The program Hunter is back on NBC. Fred Drer and Stephanie Kramer are back. The shows are not reruns but new shows. I wonder if Hunter will stay high in the ratings. I missed last week’s show but then again, not sure of that. The weather is not good. We are expecting rain tomorrow for our Easter Sunday. What fun! It rained today with thunder in play. I visited my friend Mark at his parents home and saw his nephew Jordy for the very first time since he was born almost 3 years ago, lol. I have been home since 3ish this afternoon. Now tucked in for the night. I will, if it does not storm, write tomorrow.
For the past few days I have not been real hungry. Today my stomach growled as if it did not get any nourishment whatsoever these few days, I have been moody and really not wanting to go anywhere. I was in my pajamas all day until a couple of hours ago when I had to see Nellie Mom about something. I did come and go from my apartment to the neighbor’s to check on Oreo the cat, go back to my apartment to Nellie’s, from hers to mine, back to hers again. I hhae done a lot of leg work t0day a bit ago. I am not dreading this Sabbath to come at all…actually wanting it to come. I am going to take it easy the rest of the evening and tomorrow.
It looks grey and white outdoors today. The white not being snow but a part of the grey mainly. My mood fits the weather and the weather fits my mood today. I do not know if the weather is is chilly and I am not venture out to find out either. The past two weeks this place I live it has had a dismal feeling like a blah feeling that can not be described but evil and nasty. Two people I know are moving out of here and I wish I could go along with them to get away from this dismal place, but I can’t right now. The weather definitely fits my mood today – dismal, chilly, grey, and white. No sunshine which is so desperately wanted and needed now even though we do need the rain for the ground and crops for the farmers… More later…
I am going to say good night from here now and come back tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day and it is time to shut down and get some sleep. Night all!
Ah man! I have a PMS headache trying to peer through my temples. The nagging boom boom feeling is coming on kind of nasty. I hate it!! When I have my period I get moody and can not always think rationally, and I just feel icky inside as well as unclean. I know it sounds gross but whhat can I say. I don’t like to fib whatsoever. I have ben venting all day lonn without leaving my feelings welled up inside about to make me feel crazy. I hate PMS! Boy did I swear a lot today! I am going to wash my mouth with soap tonight! Anyway, I did not hide any of my feelings at all today, did I? Life is NOT a ripe bowl of cherries all the time is it?
Life in general sometomes stinks according to the person who is living the life but there is nothing a person can really do except live their life the way it was intended. The manager of the building I live in is leaving/moving out in a few weeks so things in my life is going to be changing in places where I do NOT want the changes to occur but I am very happy for her and the decoision she made for herself. Life deals with a lot of change and I am one of those people who deals “not so well” with change. Abandonment comes racing back into my mind as if it never left or was not left in the past where it belongs. When I have my period each month, I do not think rationally a lot and am cold to others in tone. I surely have not dealt very well with change since Grandpa Clarence died in February, the 15th, the day AFTER Valentine’s Day. These past few weeks have been rough but manageable. I have been doing well in school even through such a horrible turmoil emotional. It has been horrible but it could have been worse but it isn’t. I have been venting ALL day long now and I still feel I have to vent and so it will go on forever today. What could be worse? I could out on the streets…without a roof over my head. Living here these past several days have been h****** but I am going to avoid the horrible things going on around me. Speaking of VENTING, here I am writing about the place I live and one of the tenants did angrily accuse me of writing about him and this building all over the internet. What is wrong with venting? Nothing. If i did not write it here, I would be writing it elsewhere in a notebook or something like it. Some people just have such distorted minds sometimes and it makes me madder than a hornet – not the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. But this life of mune is not fantasy at all whatsoever even though I wish it was a better one then this one. Life in general right now is feeling somewhat better than earlier but A LOT of words have popped up today…a lot of EMOTIONS definitely. More later yet…
