Another Entry – In Need To Vent a Bit

I am learning to take care of me and not worrying about other people and what they think or say but I do have to admit that I am dealing with some flaws with my worrying about what other people say or do around here where I live yet – at times. I am doing my best at letting things go but sometimes I dwell on something and just won’t shake it off or can’t. The past couple of days now I have been unhappy with a specific person in my life who used to be someone I really liked but now am not too sure about this person anymore. I am doing my best at living a drama-free life but it seems to find its way into my world from time to time at some time in my life – when I am not strongest and mainly ill with something that just wears me down to the point of devastation or something like that. Yes, I am still upset with KM and how she handled something the other day – on Sunday morning. I am beginning to really dislike KM and her actions, attitude, and demeanor about the apartment complex and how she talks about some of the tenants in here. She is rude and mean. When I saw her yesterday, a brief visit with her outside my window, KM seemed fine, but my heart and gut still does not trust her. On Sunday KM mentioned that a tenant, my neighbor above me was complaining about my TV being on 24/7 – whether KM overheard it or was told something directly, I was still unhappy and upset because C, my neighbor, had told me in the recent past that my TV did not bother her at night, and the fact that C did not come to me directly. If I hear things directly from someone I will not be upset or unhappy as much as from someone who talks about my flaws behind my back and I hear it secondhand by another person or someone. In fact, it really pisses me off when someone does not come directly to me when there is an issue. Then again, unfortunately, where I live, it is never going to happen where tenants will go directly to the other person even though it is one of the rules here. I am so glad i am not the manager or the back up manager because I can not stand most of the people in here anymore and haven’t for about three years now or so. This place has a few empty apartments here because rumor has it that other people have heard of this place having a bad reputation by someone from the inside and believe me, bad reputation or not, let those who move in here judge for themselves. To me, this place does not have a bad reputation – per se – but it does have its problems with some tenants at times but not all the time. With this rumor shared, I do have to admit that I have not loved this place for a very long time and have debated on moving out and going elsewhere but my financial means have not changed for the better – rent is lower than last year significantly – and the idea of having my own home still looms a dream that will more or less never come true but I still have hope. I will NEVER move to a place called Garden Court because I will never give my time or day to those who live there because of the drama that lives among several of my now ex-friends – those who I will NEVER allow back into my life but will continue to pray for them. Those ex-friends of mine, excuse my language in this entry, are bitches and bastards. I am so happy to have them out of my mind. I feel bad for JW though because he is probably more innocent than guilty – down’s syndrome not being the reason but a disease he can not help. His wife is the bitch just like my brother’s wife.