October 20, 2003



I could have had a better day today. I could have a better night last night really. I feel tired and so emotional right now. Satan has really ben working on me and my friends for some reason. I can tell you one thing…I have been fearful of things I should not be fearing. Honestly, this month has Halloween and I really do not care about it. I have been having nightmares a lot lately since this summer and I see a lot of monsters and evil around me that is just driving me crazy. I see decorations at school everywhere I go and some of it is weird stuff.

What Am I Afraid Of?

Get ready to hear this…

I am afraid of my accounting instructor!

A Decision Has Been Made

I will not drop out of Accounting 1 at this time and I do not think, at this time, I will drop out before the semester is over. I am going to win this fight and defeat the problems I bave been dealing with.

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October 19, 2003



I am sitting here having a good time today with no company here. I took a bath and got cleaned up and boy, I feel somewhat headachy! I do not know what is going on today, and I do have to admit, I do not want Rick around today. I need time away from a boyfriend. Actually, I am doing fine without Rick around this weekend and I surely feel independent and free today. I still wonder if Rick has a tight leash on me sometimes and that is kind of scary and he does need to work on his issues without me as well as with me. I feel like a broken record!



4:19 p.m.

It has been a quiet afternoon. I am not having Rick come over at all this weekend since I am understanding the homework and studying for the test. Also, I needed to have time for myself and myself alone. I do not remember when the last time I had time for myself and myself only and it surely does feel real good. I still wonder if Rick has a tight hold on me more than he admits or am I seeing things unclearly. I really enjoy having time for myself.

Another Time to Vent

Rick calls me four times today regarding the same thing over and over again. It is driving me crazy. Does he have a tight leash on me? I am beginning to think so. I feel I am more independent than he is acting right now. He needs to be with me all the time? I do not think so! He needs a break from me, too. He just does not think so. I have been doing fine on my accounting problems!!

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A New Change Now in the Works …



I have decided, from now on, if I have any entries too write in my journal, I will be continuing from my first entry instead of adding a new subject every entry so if any entries are longer, they will be more manageable and readable.

Finding Time to Write

For the past several weeks my writing has been cut way down because of school and homework. I am not complaining but I have not been on my own computer at home as often either because of homework. I would write more, but I do not even have the time. I do not stay up late on school nights and I do not really stay up late on weekends either since my Saturday’s are pretty busy with church and schoolwork after sundown. I have been falling asleep after 11 p.m. every night with the television on and waking up with nightmares or bad dreams, or running to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Last night, which is Friday, I slept real good all night long, so I feel refreshed for the day. I was doing my homework, at sundown, for accounting and realized I have made a mistake in one of my adjusting entries so I am going to figure it out tomorrow before going on to the next assignment problem 4-4. I am getting ready for test #3 for Accounting which is this Wednesday. That is why I have had very few entries written since school began.

Somewhat of a Vent Possibly

I need a break from my boyfriend every now and then. Sometimes I wonder if he has a tight leash on me because I am so independent and he’s dependent on me. I do not mind seeing him throughout the week and have him help me with my school work and studies, but I see him so much throughout the entire week and weekend. Today I took a break from him and got some respite from him and everything. Even Emilee Cuddles, now sittingi next to me on my computer desk was not seen throughout the day until after 6 p.m.. She is not even begging for attention. She is being so loving right now.

I do not know what is going on with me right now with my sleeping pattern being off. It scares me some. Even my moods are on edge now and then with my friends. I will be going to see my counselor on Monday after school so I will get to the bottom of it.

Those lady bugs are coming into my apartment through the air conditioner. I have gotten bit by a couple of them in the past three weeks. They will not leave me alone. How many of them have I killed? SEVERAL! RIck thinks I act a little weird because they are flying around my apartment and driving me crazy. And that is not all that he thinks I am acting weird about.

The paperboy is even acting like a childish brat and is driving many customers crazy. I do not know now how many times I have complained but I know I am not the only one regarding his attitude and delivery of the paper. The kid is driving me crazy! That is the other thing RIck thinks I am acting weird about because of how the paper boy delivers and acts… To be very honest with you, I have noticed that Rick’s behavior needs repair too and he needs to grow up if he is dependent on me so much. Why did I jump to this? I am going off track. LOL, wnat is new? Nothing really…:)

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As it turns out, I do not have a title for tonight’s entries. I took the day off of school today for reasons I was not feeling so good. It felt strange but I needed to rest. It is late now and I should be in bed now. I will write more tomorrow.

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Taking A Moment to Write Something



I know that my writing is sporatic but I have been very busy with school and life in general. I even took a night off without Rick here because I needed a break from him too. I have been struggling in Accounting 1 but I have been keeping on doing my best even in hard situations. It just seems impossible that my world has been so busy. I have been breathing and eating school lately and it is driving me in a world of uncertainity at times but I have gone to school and have not missed a day. I even went to school when I was not feeling so good and did leave a little earlier than usual – with instuctor’s understanding of course. It just seems that I have been talking about school and venting about ths or that lately. My emotions are going up and down lately but I did have a couple of good days thankfully.

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Sometimes I Wonder



For the past week I sure have been pretty moody and confused. I am feeling pretty good today and I am not giving up as far as school is concerned.

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What Can I Say Now?



I really do not know what to say right now. I have been struggling with Accounting 1 when it comes to the tests and the tests alone. I can do the homework but when it comes to the tests, I have failed two of them and have to redo both tests because they did not balance! Lately I have not been myself and instead of myself I have been short with some of my friends. I have been doing a lot of crying as well and wanting to walk away from everything but here I am … still going to school and working hard as I can. With my crying, it has been a lot and I feel worse after the tears have been shed even. It scares me and I know it is will be okay at the end. I will not give up and I will not allow myself to give up so quickly, even. I think I am venting since I have not vented in a while and I have not taken the time to write in my journal here or at my school journal.

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Feeling icky

I sure feel icky today!

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Today 3



It is time for me to go to bed shortly…yes!

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Today 2



I am having one of these days where I just want to sleep and forget about everything else that is going on around me. I have no idea what I really want to do today. It is just amazing how my mind works sometimes and here I do not what to give up. Life is a mystery right now…this minute.

I have not taken a shower or bath yet an I should because I feel grimy and my hair is greasy. I plan to do so shortly even though it is now going on 2:30 p.m. Sunday afternoon.

My entries are short and choppy today. I can not write worth anything today. That’s not good!

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