Depression and Anxiety

Posted on September 8, 2003 by ksmiley



I believe anxiety and depression has set in again. It is driving me bananas. I am having troubles snapping out of it but i do feel happy right now. With schoool happening, I did wonder if I am biting off more than I can chew but my LLM has made a good point though. I need not give up on my education and what I should give up my television. I have done a good job doing that lately but tonight the television is on. It is going on 9 p.m. and I am going to bed for the night. Nighers!

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I Need To Vent

Posted on September 7, 2003 by ksmiley



I was planning on writing this in my school journal but I decided against it for some reason. It is related to school, though. The other day I thought that I was taking on too many credits and getting overwhelmed with all my classes. Why should I be overwhelmed? I have two classes everyday but Thursdays I have one class. I just realized that I am caught up and understanding what needs to be done now in Accounting 1 and Accounting Spreadsheets. It took me a while to figure things out but I am not feeling overwhelmed now, thankfully. I think, because I was having my period last week, I think it just hung me up for a while. I am ok now. And I was thinking that I was overloading myself! Whew, I am glad it is over.

Now with the negative feeling behind me, I feel happy again. I thought I was going through a slight deppression and probably was in reality but I was not going to allow depression to control me. It may have, the depression, taken control of me for a moment or two, but I snapped out of it. I really enjoy school a lot and I can do it. It is not easy but doable. Life does have its sparks and quirks. I think I fell into mine temporarily. I hate being so moody, though. Even yesterday I did not want to go to church and be around a lot of people. I wanted to stay home and get work done related to Sabbath and then after Sabbath school work. Rest is found during the times of study but I am surely tired afterwards, LOL I found myself sleeping on the couch this morning…as if I wanted to sleep in my bedroom last night. Nope. I like to sleep on the couch on the weekends. I woke up this morning feeling tired so I now know that sleeping in bed in my bedroom is a better idea. My television was on all night long last night. Was restless most of the night.

About 8 a.m. this morning I got a call from my grieve counselor wanting to reschedule for next Sunday instead of this morning. I had no problem with that really. I was not in the mood, at the moment, to rush getting ready for company for the morning anyway. After the call, I decided to take a bath and soak and I felt real good after that. Now I am dressed and ready to go through my day.

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Frustrated!

Posted on September 6, 2003 by ksmiley



Here I am, frustrated at the moment because I had to come back here and deltete several entries that were identical to the one written before this one. I thought i would be saying good night right now and coming back tomorrow but that idea was short lived. Anyway I have an appointment at 10 a.m. in the morning with my grieve counselor J. Stevens. Now, I think I can say good night and go to bed.

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My Day is Done

Posted on September 6, 2003 by ksmiley

My day is done! Sabbah has been over since 7:21 p.m. I am ready to begin a new day with a happier note than what I was playing yesterday all most of the week since Tuesday. I am very happy once again…YES!

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A Quikie One

Posted on September 6, 2003 by ksmiley



It has been a rough week for me. I usually do not write in my journal during Sabbath hours but today I am doing so. Rick will be here shortly so I will have to continue later or another day. I hate having my period most of the time because it causes so much emotional havoc for me most of the time I have it. Even yesterday I was very quiet and unsure of things. I wanted to cry four times this week and I want to cry now as a matter of fact. I hate days like this even though I enjoy the Sabbath I have right now. I wish I had more time to write but with school finding time to write has been hard and at times I have NOT turned on my computer when I get home because I am tired and ready to go to bed. I have to go now…Rick’s here.

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The First Day of September

Posted on September 1, 2003 by ksmiley



Labor Day Plans

Happy Labor Day!

It looks cloudy but according to the Weather Channel it does look like thunderstorms or rain at this time…just cloudy all day long and cool. When I go to the parade with the Wilson’s and friends, I am going to wear blue jeans, a t-shirt and jacket for sure. I think Fall and Winter is on its way now, thank goodness. This summer was hot and uncomfortable and pretty bright. For the first time I am looking forward to winter this time around. Today there are no classes so I have a day off and have a three day weekend this weekend. Having four days of classes this week is going to go fast and I do have to admit that classes went well and fast last week which was the first week. What a good break. I am GLAD I have my homework done for Wednesday and Tuesday. Night…

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Thought of the Moment

Posted on August 31, 2003 by ksmiley



Problems with dear diary? I can not leave an entry as things are terribly slow there. It has happened before but it can be frustrating…at times.

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Taking a Moment

Posted on August 31, 2003 by ksmiley



It has been fairly quiet since Rick left a little after 8 p.m. I have my accounting homework done for Wednesday so I do not have to worry about it tomorrow as I had said. I have watched a movie called Mystery Woman and I am listening to it again. It was that good! It is on Hallmark tonight. Anyway, tomorrow being Labor Day, I am going to the parade and a cookout with the Wilson’s and I am looking forward to it greatly. Not a whole lot is happening right now except for the fact that I am listening to the movie and waiting for KAW to call me back after she goes for a walk with her husband (the Wilson’s). I have taken a quick bath and washed my hair as it was getting real oily since Friday’s washing and I did not want to take a shower or bathe in the morning, and I did not want to go to bed with greasy feeling (gross) hair. For the last couple of days now, my phone has been acting up and driving me nuts. A little while ago Nellie Mom called me and I did not hear the phone ringing but the phone ringer was on. What is wrong with my phone? I have a phone in the bedroom that has the ringer on but it does not ring. PHONES! LOL I can deal with it but when I am expecting a very important phone call, I will get annoyed easily. LOL

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An Entry Before Bed

Posted on August 30, 2003 by ksmiley



It is late and I should be in bed but I took a nap at 3 p.m. this afternoon. I am tired but real bad – just yawning a bit since it is late and everyone else around me is asleep in their own places. I did hear, as a neighbr must have left or returned to their apartment, lock up after themselves. Sometimes I think neighbors do not always realize that noise can travel. I remember the other day that my apartment door slammed shut behind me as I did not grab it in time with all the stuff I was holding and I felt it travel throughout my apartment. That day, by chance, my windows were open. That ALWAYS happens! The weather is cool tonight…in the 50’s…good!

I think, since it is late, I am going to sign off my writing for the night and shut things down for the night and come back to it in the morning sometime. I have a three day weekend now and tomorrow I will be doing my schoolwork in the afternoon with Rick’s help and do all my school work before Monday so I can enjoy my day with my friends at the parade Monday afternoon after lunch. Labor Day is coming and it is coming furiously. Good night everyone and God bless.

Please, for those I get updates from, excuse me for not reading your entries lately. I am busy with school. I appreciate all of you for reading my entries as well. Good night all.

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Posted on August 29, 2003 by ksmiley



Ahhh, the weekend has arrived and school will resume again Tuesday morning. Labor Day weekend is here but I have other plans this weekend as well…church and fellowship, homework, and relaxation. I am going to take Monday and use it as a holiday and do ALL homework due Tuesday and Wednesday Sunday and after Sabbath hours. Monday, I am going to take a break from everything and sleep in somewhat and anyway, I have Tuesday’s homework finished! Accounting I is going to take a lot of my time, I am afraid. I have a boyfriend who is willing to help me out and to understand what I am learning. I know I can do it!

Tonight I will be going to KAW’s for Prayer Meeting and after sundown Sabbath begins anyway. After prayer meeting I will be coming home to get ready for bed and get up for Sabbath and church.

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