I Slept Well Last Night Without Meds! / Entry 1

Posted on March 11, 2003 by ksmiley



For the first time in a long time I slept well. I actually slept 8 hrs + last night with exception of getting up twice to go to the bathroom and get a drink of water. I had gone to bed at my usual time of 9:30 p.m. after Pepper Ann got over with and laid down with Emilee beside me. She was waiting for me when I turned in for the night. What a sweet cat she is! Good ol’ Emilee! I had awakened to Emilee’s meowing and purring, and pawing at me. I had my alarm set for 7:15 a.m. but asked Emilee if she could wake me up at 7 a.m. and she did! What a good kitty! We will have to wait and see about tonight now.

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Sunday, March 9, 2003 Pt 3

Posted on March 9, 2003 by ksmiley





Plans Changed Again But No Worries

I was hoping that I would see my friends Cheryl and Neil from Duluth, Minn. but it did not work this weekend’s visit. I am not disappointed exactly but it would have been a big change for me because I have not seen Cheryl and Neil in a long time. at least I was able to hear Cheryl’s voice this afternoon and around dinner time. She and Neil were at her sister Becky’s house all afternoon working onn some painting in Becky’s new house. Oh well, I had a feeling, not a sad feelimg thankfully, that getting together with Cheryl and Neil would be somewhat difficult this visit because plans were not definitely made and our lives are busy these days. Cheryl and Neil work and I go to school. I thought we wouuld be able to see each other but it just did not work out as we all hoped it would. Anyway, I have another chance to get together with them on their next visti in April. At least I heard Cheryl’s voice and that matters right now.





Out with Richard

I went out to lunch with Richard this late morning for lunch a nearby restaurant and then we both came back home due to the cold weather. It was only in the single digits of cold. I have heard it was 6 degrees and then 2 degrees so I really do not know what the correct temperature was at the time. It was cold out that’s for sure. I called the time and temp at 8:05 p.m. and it was 13 degrees out. Still cold but not as bad as 2 or 6 degrees. It is in the double digits now anyway.

Faith Bible Church Singers

This afternoon, as a treat for the tenants here, we had Christian singers from a church nearby come and sing for us. The songs were beautiful and they even sang my Grandpa Clarence’s favorite song Amazing Grace. It was a fabulous time! A few tenants came to see the program butthe room was filled to the max. I know that a lot of people have trouble with religion and we did have one tenant who wlaked out because the Bible was opened and the Pstor of Faith Bible Church did a brief talk. Oh well…I enjoyed it.

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Sunday, March 9, 2003

Posted on March 9, 2003 by ksmiley



I really do not have a whole lot of time to write here this morning as my grieve counselor will be here in a half an hour or so to see me. I had awakened to Emilee meowing and pawing at me to wake up, which is a nice version of an alarm clock comparing it to a loud buzzing sound from an electric clock or something of that sort. Anyway, I had to look in on the neighbor’s cat before my counselor came at 9 a.m. so I had gotten up at 7:30 a.m. and went to the neighbor’s apartment and checked on Oreo the cat. I had also, inbetween, visited my friend Richard and then came up and got dressed for the day. Wanting to get out for a while sounds like a good idea “cabin fever according to Richard. He wants to take me out for brunch and then visit the flea market. Otherwise right now it is fairly quiet.

Last Night’s Bad Dream

I had a bad dream last night. Nellie Mom is the manager of this apartment complex so when I dreamt about the fact that Nellie Mom had given her two week notice to leave her job, I freaked out. Why did I freak out? Nellie Mom had to move from the apartment building and leave the manager’s apartment to the new manager who was coming in. She told me that sheh was leaving at the end of the month on March 31st. March 31st was the day of my grandpa Clarence’s memorial! I cried and cried that Nellie Mom was leaving and the fact that she could not make it to the memorial services. I stood in the hallway watching men and women from outside bring boxes and more boxes into the building and into Nellie’s apartment. It was a horrible sight to see. End of dream.

Thankfully it was just a dream. Nellie Mom is planning on giving up her job one of these days and getting away from here but that is yet waiting for the time. The way the tenants are in here, at least most of them, I do not blame Nellie Mom wanting to leave here and get away. I would not work here as a manager myself with all the complaints, gossip and rumors coming and going. It is not quiet around here.

This Place I Live In!

The other day I felt that REB had gotten too close to my personal space so I squealed. As I squealed, I did not think of the tenants in the community room and lobby area. Nellie Mom, acting as Mother more or less than “the manager” called me later in the afternoon telling me that the tenanats in the community room probably think that REB was coming on to me and she told me that it will not be long that the whole building will know. First of all, REB was not coming on to me – only was he in my personal space at the moment and teasing me. I do not care what the tenants think as Nellie, REB, myself, and God know the truth. See what I feel I live in on a daily basis? Just like Nellie wanting to leave here, I too want to leave here. Too much gossip and rumors fly around here to the point it makes me so sick to my stomach. I am so glad that I can get out of here for the day most days. Some of the stories I hear are rediculous and far too dumb for me. Sometimes I wonder why some people can even sit and listen to junk and untruths and such. That makes me so sick to my stomach even more so. No wonder I want to leave this place for the day and come back home and lock my apartment door to everyone except Nellie Mom, REB, Nana, and Bill. I do not let anyone in from the outside unless I know them or know that they are coming for a visit. I remember one day when my friemd Cheri had come up to help me clean my closet, the buzzer went off to let me know that someone from the outside was visiting me. I had answered the buzzer…

Counselor is here…finish later when I have time in Sunday, March 9, 2003 Pt 2

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Depression?

Posted on March 8, 2003 by ksmiley



Thisi weather is driving me nuts and the fact that Grandpa Clarence is now gone, I think I have fallen into a slight depression. I will not, in the least, take any medication for depression as it will soon pass soon enough. Last night I did not go to bed until 12 midnight, about sx hours after Sabbath started. It has ended now. Time is 8:21 p.m. and Sabbath ended about 6 p.m. this evening. I had ordered a pizza and was interrupted when Nellie Mom dropped by to look at things on the Internet. The pizza got cold and my appetite disappeared for some reason. What I have on the leftover pizza is peppers, tomatoes. and mushrooms. It tasted good hot. I am not complaining about Nellie Mom coming up or anything. she can interrupt my eating anytime. I was getting full after two slices of pizza anyway. I have lunch and supper tomorrow already with the leftover pizza from supper tonight. In fact, I let Nellie have a piece of pizza while we looked at her e-mail together she was having troubles seeing from her mail station. Anyway, I think depression has set in some time back – when Grandpa died on the 15 of February. I am surprised that I am keeping my head above water and do well in school. It has been a long three weeks to say the least. Grandpa Clarence has been gone for three weeks today now. WOW! Although time has been an yo-yo in my life – time does go by sometime I guess. I can not believe that Grandpa has been gone three weeks already. WOW! AGAIN

I am not sure if I am depressed or not because I am holding my own as far as school is concerned. I have lost some sleep, yes, but it getting better as each day passes, thankfully. I do feel burdened in my heart at times as memories of my grandfather come into play. In fact, last night being the first night I could not sleep until after 12 midnight, I did get t0 sleep and did sleep eight hours, even though I had gotten up a couple of times during the night. TIme is getting better as well even though it felt like it dragged on and on forever it seemed. Am I depressed again? I HOPE NOT!

Last Night’s Fiasco

One of the reasons I did not sleep well last night was because my computer acted up and I thought it was screwed up for good. I could not rest, even after I shut it down, about the little glitch, which it was of course, a glitch. While I was online, the computer decided to have no taskbar so I could properly shut the computer down and reboot it. I had to improperly shut it down. I HATE THAT! In fact, to shut it down I had to press the button on the tower and then after I did that it shut down but for some odd reason a picture of Grandpa Clarence and Grandma Fox filled the entire screen and the WELCOME sign stayed longer than usual and the picture of Grandpa Clarence and Grandma Fox filled the screen again but the icons did not show up for a few minutes along with the picture I wanted in the center of the desktop. I had, which has worked since, to change a couple of things – don’t ask what I did since it was late and I was brain dead – and the computer glitch was fixed. Whew. I would not rest until that computer glitch was fixed – believe me! It is fixed now thankfully! Whew!

The Rest of My Thoughts

The weather was kind of bad today. It snowed a lot today and from what I undnerstand, it is going to snow more. I had awakened to a phone call from a neighbor at 8 a.m. and was told by him that it was going to snow and sleet today. I was not too thrilled about hearing that but it is still wintertime here in Wisconsin. It was about 9 or a little after that I saw the snow falling. It was pretty white and somewhat beautiful anyway. I was going to get together with my friend C today but because of the weather, C and I did not get together with our friend JP at all. We stayed home all day long and finally spoke about dinner time this evening before Sabbath had ended. I do not know what is going to happen tomorrow as far as company is concerned, but I do have my grieve counselor coming at 9 a.m.. Do I really want to get up before 9 a.m.? I have been everyday so far so why not. I can sleep in until 7:30 a.m. By the way, we have singers come to sing for us tomorrow afternoon at 3:30 p.m. so I PLAN to go see them.

I think I have to go for now. I want to get a bath in yet tonight before 10 p.m. and I might be back later. I do know that I need a relaxing bath right now. Later…

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Today 2

Posted on March 7, 2003 by ksmiley



It has been somewhat quiet around here. The phone has not rung except once when a call came through – oops that was yesterday afternoon!. Anyway it has been very quiet. I have a responsibiliy this weekend watching a neighbors kitty. I have to go check on it a little while and then a bath is going to be taken and then I HAVE TO get ready for Sabbath. Sabbath beins at sundown. It has been quiet. I had company for a few minutes before noon when Nellie Mom came up to check something out on the computer she could not check on her mail station. Even REB came up with her and got a little wild as usual. He does not listen very well. As REB and Nellie Mom left, she gave him a good boot in the bottom with her foot and now I wonder if she has a sore knee. Just called to see if she needed anything and I asked if her knee or foot hurt and she said no – good. Oh crum bum – I did get a telephone call earlier – just one – from one of the church members. I knew I had forgotten something! LOL Well, I need to get going. I want to get a bath in and settled for Sabbath so I am going to go check on my neighbor’s kitty and then shut myself in my place and get ready for Sabbath. The dishes and majority of the cleaning has been done for the Sabbath hours of rest. More later. After sundown about 6 p.m., I am going to be writing in my Sabbath Journal if anything is written after Sabbath begins. I might be writing in my Grandpa’s Journal as well if something pops up. Gotta run for now. Bye!

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DISGUSTING

Posted on March 7, 2003 by ksmiley



I was on Yahoo Messager a few minutes ago and had to get off because there was this one guy wanted to do something disgusting. I do not think I need to tell anyone exactly what this guy wanted to give as sex was going to be invoklved. Why are people allowed on the Internet to do this stuff?! It is awful. I will never give anyone any sexual favors for their wants or needs. I am not seeing anyone right now and I am keeping myself bssy with school and my life with friends annd family and there is no room for a significant other or boyfriend. I will not even go on a date right now because usually dates lead to relationships beyond friendship and I do not want anything beyond friendship right now. Anyway, I have a list of what a good man is for a woman and believe me no man has qualified yet. Being single is fantastic and beautiful. I am thirty-two years old and my want to have a man in my life is not important enough like friendships, God, school, and my kitty (cat) Emilee Cuddles Karnopp. Some people are just gross!

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Today 1

Posted on March 7, 2003 by ksmiley



Today there are no classes at school going on because of Career Day. So here I am home, almost bored to death because I am not at school going to class. I wish there was school today! Oh well, anyway, I am taking advantage of this day off and getting thingns done before sundown. Sabbath begins tonight. School has been going good that I do not like to miss any classes unless I have to or need to and believe me there has been a couple of times after Grandpa died I needed to stay home because sleep has been difficult to find. Anyway today has been good so far.

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Yesterday and Today

Posted on March 6, 2003 by ksmiley





I am sorry about not writing anything yesterday and nothing today. U have not been in the mood.

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My Evening

Posted on March 4, 2003 by ksmiley



Joe Roberts Band

Tonight, alonng with a few other tenants, I enjoyed Joe Roberts and his band. He plays and sings classic country music. Every several weeks, Joe and hous band come and play for the tenants and I always seem to ebjoy the music myself. Other than that, not much really went on here after I got my homework done.

SNOW!

I am really hoping that we have school tomorrow. I do not want to miss school. It has been snowing and drifting since 3:30 p.k; this afternoon and now it is drifting. The roads look kind of bad right now covered up with snow and according to Joe, the roads were kind of slippery and as his group arrived each one said that it was kind of slick and slippery out there. I personally hope that there was no major or minor accidents out there tonight but in bad weather like thism there usually is. Some people are NOT careful when driving anymore!!

To be very honest with you, I hate snow. It complicates things now and then with my cerebral palsuy and arthritic joints. Luckily iit has not been real bad this winter but tonight is pretty bad. I an in a warm apartment building and my apartment hehat is working so I amm comfortable all around. I just hate snow thougb!

Earlier Today at School

When I had gotten to school, it was about 7:40 a.m. and when I got there I did not want to be there. My wants to be home had nothing to do with the weather today or the bad weather coming later in the day. I felt a little down all day long. As the hours ticked by I thought that this day was going to be horrible. i did not feel very happy. I did not want to be at school at all! i hated the day pretty much all day long. Even though I felt like staying home all day, I am glad that I went and made an effort to be happy. That was my day part of the day.

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About Grandpa Clarence

Posted on March 4, 2003 by ksmiley



I just wanted to let you know that I have a special place for Grandpa Clarence at Dear Diary. The nickname/username I am using is peanuts. Grandpa Clarence, even though I have not liked the nickname in the past, gave me that nickname when I was a teenager because I love the Peanuts Gang that Charles Shultz created many years ago. You can also go Grandpa Clarence Memoirs to get to his special place. It is still under construction as far as its appearance.

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