Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

Okay, when things start getting better for me emotionally this past Friday, I am been combatting bad dreams/nightmares since Saturday night. YIKES! Bad dreams and nightmares always get a negative rise out of me! If I described the nightmarish dreams, all I can say is this:

Dream 1 – Saturday night

A couple of friends and myself were coming up to a house and there was no steps to get inside. When I stood close to the house, the bottom of the door came up to my breasts.

Dream 2 – Sunday night

I was feeling captive in a house. All I could do, to escape whatever was after me was to go from room to room. You could enter one room and exit it by going into another room. The rooms were of a retangle shape, not real big. It was not the same house that I dreamt about the night before.

Dream 3 – Monday night

I was running away from something that was not friendly or a goodthing and everytime I would run into an obstacle, like a wall, I had to turn around and go another way to get away from this not friendly or good thing.

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I do have to admit that dreams do not make any sense but they do come from your subconcious mind. I have talked to a friend who told me that somewhere in my mind I am dealing with something that is an issue in my life. The three dreams I dreamt about did not make any sense and nothing very terrible were in them that I could really pick out to be a problem in my life. I have decided not to even deal with such dreams anymore – take stock into dreams. I know dreams are not always a figment of your imagination.

I do know that I have to avoid horror flicks so I do that.

I have been on line for over 2 hrs now and it is getting boring now! NOthing much is happening after my chat with my friend “B” on line. It has been quiet all day long as well as hearing people going by my apartment to their own apartments and that is all the noise I have heard outside my own apartment. I am getting very bored here right now, LOL

I do not know what I can say today really. I am just here to write something I guess. Today is not really active. My television has been on all day so far and nothing is on that I have not watched already. The weather is iffy today. It rained during the night and today is a little bit cooler than it has been most of the summer. The heat has been very bad here. The heat index has been worse! In fact, from calling to check what the temperature is right now, it is time to turn the air conditioner back on after having a cool spell. It is not that hot today anyway. What can I say today?

It has been fairly quiet since I have woke up this morning. That is a nice beginning of a day, isn’t it? I have not heard anyone walk by my apartment door this morning yet. I do have to admit, if I did not get up at 9:15 a.m. this morning, I would probably would be still sleeping, LOL. With the heat index between 100 and 110 today, sleep is not a bad idea really…but I am tired of sleeping, tired of moping about and be in my place. I have been moody and questioning many things this week becauuse being a woman is not always a fun thing. I am so glad that my period is ending actually – until next month anyway. I have this repetitive thing about seeing all my family this summer and I was overwhelmed by the end of all the visiting. I think the only time I was very happy was visiting my brother in PA for five days. I look at what visiting I already did this summer and I did not have a lot of time for myself between visits. My emotions are calming down finally but it is so terribly slow! I think that has a little to do with my period this month coming at a time when things are just beginning to calm down for me making my calming down moments frazzled again! SMILE. I do have to admit that I am feeling better now and I began to feel better Friday. A couple of minutes ago I had heard an apartment door close from someone entering an apartment but I did not hear anyone go by my place.

Yesterday I went to church for the first time in four weeks. As I was laying down getting ready to go to sleep, I had realized that the last time I have been to church was a week before our church and several other surrounding churches had campmeeting about two hours away from here in Portage, Wisconisn. I had gone to Campmeeting the last weekend it was going and I had a great time and then I went to PA and after that my mom had popped into town for a couple of days with her husband, and then a day after she left, I saw my dad for a few days. I was overwhelmed…so going to church yesterday was a big treat for me as well as a start of getting back to church after all my visiting.

I am so glad that the visiting is all over with for now and I have time for myself again. I had gotten a little depressed this past week and finally snapped out of it a couple of days ago. I am staying home today because the heat index is very bad and I am NOT going out in the heat at all if I can help it. I hate being depressed because it drags me dowon to a nothingness I can not explain most of the time. I know that a lot of things happen at once sometimes but it really puts a toll on me all the time. Today the day is for sleeping because of the heat and thank goodness for air conditioning to keep things cool here. I do live on the third floor of this apartment complex I live in and heat does rise.

It has been a while since I have taken the time to write in my journal here because I have been fairly busy with appointments and sleeping a lot. Tonight we might be getting some storms thrughout the night but I will believe it when I hear the thunderclaps and the raindrops falling on the roof. Again it has been very hot and uncomfortable as well as bright. Today was a little cloudy but not the kind of cloudiness you get when you have a storm coming sooner or later.

I did not sleep well last night but I still got up around 9 a.m. and began cleaning my apartment. My cleaning lady came by before noon to do her job because she was going to be gone for the weekend camping with her male companion. We did get a lot done in the 1 1/2 hours she was here. I am somewhat tired now because of my sleep being impaired last night but not too tired to keep my eyes open yet.

After this weekend, I plan to get back on track with my writing. Right now I think it is going to spuratic. I just wanted to let you know that I still exist here.

My day has been very quiet like all day long. The phone only rang twice today so far. I am hoping that Mom calls me tonight. It is getting late and it is almost time for me to shut down my computer for the night. I did have a fairly good day today. It was fairly quiet!

One of my “old” shows called the “Rookies” will be airing in less than an hour now and I am just waiting for time to pass. The show has my favorite actress Kate Jackson in it and I have never really seen the show when it was even on television. I was very little and the only shows I watched was Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers at the time the Rookies was on. Kate Jackson has been one of my favorites sincce I watched Charlie’s Angels back in the late 70’s. So at 1 p.m. here, I will be leaving the internet behind for an hour or so to watch the Rookies. Right now, to pass up some time, I am listening to one of my other favorite “old” programs called Columbo. Now, that is a great program. Peter Falk is a good actor in my eyes. Did you know that he has a fake eye? I did not know his until one night I was watching Biography on A&E. The way he carries himself makes the fake eye not noticeable…at least I think so anyway. Gotta run!

Here I am. Now home from my four days from the farm with my dad and stepmom and sister. Today they drove back home to where they live in AR and I am now done traveling for the summer until school resumes in the Fall. I did have a great time up north on my Uncle and Aunt’s farm with my AR parents but it is great to be back home safe and sound and snug in your own place after a three week travel plan under your belt. Okay, what is coming up now may sem not always fair, but it did happen and I have been kind of sick about it ever since I have been home. While I visited with my parents, I shed some tears in a private area of the farm and my sister had learned all about those tears while we talked about them while our parents and Aunt and Uncle and cousin were still milking cows. My dad has not been happy about my weight as I am a little heavier than I was fourteen years ago. The worst is the fact that he is not happy with me not having a job yet. I told him that I was looking and I had school coming up and it yet did not please him one bit. He just got a little bit angier as I stood there trying to explain to him about my life and my happiness. He did not believe me that I was even trying on losing weight or finding a job. He told me that he would believe it if he saw it. My heart ached and yet it went cold Aat the same time. Here today, one day later after getting home from visiting with relatives and my AR parents, my heart still aches and my stomach still feels sick from being upset myself.

Before going on with that, at 2 a.m. in the morning of the new day Saturday coming in, I noticed that my toilet was about to overflow and when it got close to over flowing, the water would go down in a strange way and then hardly no water had come up from the flushing. I had called the maintance man of the building and I explained to him about the problem I was going to face if I used the toilet again and he said he will be right over. He had fallen back to sleep! At the time this was ALL happening, having him go back to sleep was not something I expected him to do. He had called at 4 a.m. something and told me he had fallen back to sleep and I apologized to him for even waking him up with a small emergency. At the time I called him, it seemed like a big emergency and I was not feeling well from being upset about my dad bringing up the weight and job I am now struggling with.

I can tell one thing about this whole entry. What I had written about does not all seem fair at the time it happened. I do care about my dad very much as he is looking out for me and he wants me to be successful in life like other family members of the Karnopp Clan (Klan) as we supposedly say.

That feeling started last night when I was sitting in the living room with the family watching a video tape of my sister singing in a concert and a song at church. My sister sang solo! WOW! The weepy feeling came then and it is still here. I wonder if my hormones have come a little strong as well as I am expecting my period real soon. I do have to go now anyway. More tomorrow…I have to go.