Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

I know that the day is not yet over but so far the day is half over. My rent will be picked up in about a half an hour and then I can have the rest of the day/afternoon to myself. Today is definitely cooler than it has been since I have been home from PA visiting my brother. It does look cooler outside now as I speak and yet it might rain. We do need some rain here. It got hot and dry here foor the past two to three weeks. When I left for PA, I knew that the weather would not be any better than Wisconsin weather but I did hope that the weather would not be so humid as it was in PA. Always hopeful but never aagain will I have high expectations of anything ever again.

What have I done already today…earlier this morning? Well, took a bath, washed dishes, took five bags of trssh outdoors to the big bin outside on the (taking a break to take rent down to the community room at this point) parking lot of the apartment complex I live in. Today is just another one of those lazy days! I will, if I have a chance, come back later today or not sometime tomorrow.

With it being the 4th of July/Independence Day. I have been thinking of all the people who have been patriotic through their words and doings of the day. I wish I was a litle more patriotic but I haven’t because of the weather and I have been tired. I have being laying low all day long. In fact, I was chatting with a friend on MSN and had to go because I was too tired to even continue chatting and chatting is one of my strong suits in my life. Emilee and I have been laying low all day long.

I am not looking back at 9-11 and the terrorist attack that occurred on that day but I am looking at a day that may have not come if we held our heads on our shoulders and held our minds strong to our freedoms. We have freedom yet and we will always be fighting for our freedoms.

Happy Fourth of July/Independence Day!

Not a whole lot happening here. The AC is on here because it is hot outdoors. I wish there was a lot more gong on but really there isn’t. It may be the 4th of July here but I am not going to go see the firworks at all because of where they are and how I am going to get there is a question mark since I don’t drive myself. If you think that I am feeling down I want to let you know that I am not at all depressed or anything. Just tired and ready for the day to end. I have been sleeping most of the day and this is the second time I have been on line all day long. I would like to wish all my friends here at Dear Diary a

HAPPYFOURTHof July!

For the past few years I have celebrated my birthday in a blue daze of some sort but this year, that has not even happened. Today is my 32nd birthday and I am not at all feeling blue about celebrating it alone because I am not celebrating it alone this year like I did in the past few years. Something about my birthday is different this year and I have no idea if it is because I have a friend here sleeping in the next room and has been here since Monday morning. My door is decorated this year with balloons – red and blue. My friend “G” did that I think…who knows. I am feeling pretty good today but I don’t feel a year older at all. Is that a good thing or not?

I am not here to boast about it being my 32nd birthday. I am also not asking for attention for my birthday either. I am just here to expresss my feelings about my birthday being not an ordinary day this year.

Yesterday I went to my counseling appointment which was almost missed. Whatever time we had left in the appointment when I finally arrived, I discussed something of major importance in my life. Why I went to a counselor to discuss my issue regarding my mom, but then again my counselor wants to see the progress in my life and according to him, I am making lots of progress.

What Did We Discuss?

We discussed “High Expectations. I have a problem/an issue regarding my mom in NM. My mom has always lived a life that seemed to evolve around her and those who are in her life sometimes feel that they are put aside to satisfy her whims. As her daughter, who has been denying of her Mother’s ways of life, I have denied a lot of her whims and have felt greatly disappointed because what I expect of my mother never happen or ever happens. Today I can not deny what has happened or will happen. I have to get off the clouds and come down from the “high expectations” unrealistic world and come down to the living and live my life the way I see fit.

end of discussion

———-

Did I make any sense?? Probably not, LOL

I have been gone to PA for a few days and returned back yesterday late last night and I do have to admit that I had a great time with my brother and his family. Tonight and tomorrow night I am having a girlfriend over for a visit from out of town. So again, I will be busy for the first two weeks of July now actually.

I am off to PA shortly and I am very excited about seeing family. If the next day I don’t write in my journal, you know that I got busy with my family.

In so many hours I will be heading to PA to visit my olest brother and his family for a few days. I will be leaving at 2:30 a.m. from my home to Chicago, IL to the Chicago O’Hare Airport and will be returning to WI the evening of June 30th. I do have to admit that the excitement is there – not the nervousness I once experienced when I have traveled by plane not too long ago now. I am actually relaxed and comfortable about going on a flight and getting to and from place to place. I do have to admit that I have not seen my brother and his family since May of 1997 when we saw each other at our Uncle’s funeral. That was the last time I have seen him and seeing him again is, all around, a very exciting time for my brother and his family and myself. My neices and nephew really don’t know me very well and I don’t know them well myself. In fact, these past seven years, I have estranged myself from my brother for personal reasons I can not and will not get into, but after tomorrow upon on our meeting and spending time together, I am not going to estrange myself from my brother’s life ever again. I can tell you one thing about why I was estranged from my brother’s life but I will not go into detail. I have been told falsely about my brother’s feelings by another family member and when I learned differently what my brother’s feelings were, I vowed I would never take stock into what I hear from this person again as far as my brother and his family are concerned. I do feel guilty to some degree because I took sides to the whole mess that can not and will not be discussed or written about here. This is one very private situation that I will not share with my Dear Diary friends. This private mess, if shared with the world,could hurt my family even more and I do want to respect the privacy of my loved ones as much as possible.

Again, as I write this entry, leaving it particially a mystery to my readers, I am excited about this adventure to PA. I want to see my brother and his family very badly and start from scratch in our still somewhat estranged relationship no thanks to me.

While Emilee ruled the roost, I had a great weekend getaway. I did, however, miss my kid (cat, Emilee). I saw friends and family this weekend at Campmeeting 2002 for my denomination and I went to a few meetings this weekend and had gotten a lot of spiritual food in my heart to keep forever in this soul of mine. It was definitely not quiet because there were people and kids all about me because the cabins, campers, and tents were pretty close. I slept well both nights even though Saturday night I did have troubles getting to sleep early and when I did wake up to run to the bathroom, it was only 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. that I had awakened. Where I was away for the weekend, the bathroom was the nearest shower and bath building a walking distance up the road. It was not a hop, skip, and a jump away at all! I almost, laughing about it and did, go to the bathroom in my pats, LOL Now my weekend is over and I have to get ready for my next trip which is just about a day away now.

I have not written an entry about my cat Emilee in a long time! In fact, I don’t remember when and if I wrote an entry just about my cat. I would have to go all the way back to the first entry to the present and I know I have a lot of entries written so far.

I was gone this weekend and a friend of mine took care of Emilee while I was away. Emilee was a very good cat while I was away but she did get huffy and hissy while I was away to the caregiver. I guess, even though she has been very good for a very long time, she still has her old self in her – that huffing and hissing. I personally think, while I was not here, she was ruling the roost and doing her duty as she was expected and asked. I do know that she will be ruling the roost again for a few days very shortly and she is a very good guard cat at times of need. Believe me…she is HAPPY to have me home for the time being. What a cat I have.