Sitting down and concentrating was hard to do today. I could not sit foor fiive minutes to do anything. My mind was just straining over thing and then switched over to another. I left class at 3 p.m. and came home instead of staying until 4:15 p.m.. I couldn’t! It was strange all day long.
Before I head to my first class in a few minutes I am planning on making some careful changes for my journal here. The outlook for the Fall season is going to stay the same until the winter season. I am just in wants to change the wording and the look of my journal here for better and easier reading. I still have to do some careful planning. More details later.
I have been thinking seriously about changing the outlook of my journal this weekend. The Fall look is going to stay the same – just the wording is going to change. With Written Communications going on this semester, he did ask if any of his students write in a journal or diary and I did not resist the hand going up and saying something. I just ramble now and then and everything runs together. I need to change that for better clarity and better reading…but how. That is being thought of and brainstormed right now. Because it is getting late, I am going to say good night to my readers and friends at Dear Diary. I am getting tired.
Took a short nap this afternoon and soon ready to go to bed. My hair is washed and my jammies are on. This weekend has been rainy but now it is mostly cloudy and dark, lol. It looks like it is going to be partly cloudy tomorrow at 5 a.m. I hope the weather clears up now but we still need the rain. I talked to my mom from NM earlier today and they are heading out of town on a special, medical trip. I talked for a few seconds to my dad in AR before they went off to church, and I spoke to my Aunt Jackie before she left for church herself. I also remember waking up my friend at 8 a.m.. That was a scheduled call.
I am still thinking about the two deaths Friday. Johnny Cash and John Ritter. I expected Johnny Cash not to live much longer at the rate his health was going, but for John Ritter? I was shocked and when I saw the news report regarding John Ritter’s death, I wanted to cry but because break was over for Accounting 1 I held it in. My heart aches when I see news regarding John Ritter. I watched Three’s Company this morning for a few minutes but I felt like I was watching a ghost not the John Ritter who played Jack Tripper. It is nice to have memories captured on film isn’t it? I have been taking death all around me lately even if it does not affect me personally and it is kind of dragging me and I am still clinging onto something very tightly. I am not feeling so hot emotionally today. I just want to cry and hide and get away from reality for a while.
I do have to admit that I am kind of tired right now. It’s raining and it has been raining all weekend long and it is getting kind of depressing. I wish I was elsewhere right now! It is time for me to wake up and smell the coffee even though I do not drink coffee. I was hoping to have Bible study today but I am not in the mood and I am surely not feeling like having too much company today. I did have my grieving counselor here today. Anyway, having Rick call the pastor for me, the pastor wanted to cancel today and go for next Sunday which was fine with me. I am not in the mood to have Rick come over. This weather is driving me down right now. Since I have my homework done for my classes tomorrow, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I took the time to read my favorite diaries here at Dear Diary and I was greatly impressed by the upbeat and the feeling expressed. I feel good reading my favorite journals now and again. There were a couple today, not on my favorite list, that I did not need to click and read but did anyway. How could someone come up with some things I do not know. Tnere are some real strange people out there and the internet has many.
I am still up and I was taking to Batia for a bit and to another on line friend. It is late and I am going to close up shop for the night shortly.
I feel strange and yet I feel good about having my time at school studying and going to classes but I sure do miss writing in my journal here on a daily basis. As a fun thinng to do for Written Communications, I am going to write a little more during the day even if I have to FIND the time to write in my journal on a regular basis. Once again my journal is going to change and what is … more so the words than the look of my journal. Since AO did my journal here, I am going to keep the look a little longer…through the Fall season and change it in the winter season somehow. Fall is definitely on its way now. Thank goodness. The weather has been very rainy and cloudy since yesterday afternoon. YUCK! It has done very little to my good mood. I have been a little off mood wise and it is driving me bananas again. I am so glad I have school to look forward to even though the homework seems like a lot right now. I am happy yet filled with anxieties off and on during this trying time. I am so glad I have God in my life as well as friends who really care. It is Saturday night after 10 p.m. and I can not believe how wound up I am right this moment. Accounting I is getting interesting and fun, and something I definitely like to do. That is why I am spending so much time getting Accounting I understood and figured out. School may be a lot of work for me but it is worth the time and expense. I am working on paying my financial aid back by doing well in school by getting good grades. So please do not feel upset that I do not take the time right now to read and comment all my favorite diaries but do understand that you are all thought of and cared about deeply and will comment to the entries I find so very important. School is taking a lot of my time right now.
I know I have not written a lot this month but school has taken most of my time away from my computer at home. I use a computer for one of my classes at school for two and a half hours so by the time I get home, forget it, I am not wanting to get on my own computer. I spend a lot of time on the computer at school it seems. I do a lot of my typing of homework and reports at school. I would do it at home but my studying does not get done well with Emilee laying on my work…LOL but it does get done some how some way. Even my television is hardly on during the week and if it is…it is on during the time I am eating or resting up from my day. I find that doing my school work Saturday evening really helps so I can have Sundays available to be on my computer writing or surfing most of the day and have my Bible study in the afternoon. With Rick working at night now, it is nice to see him during the evening before he goes to work even if he walks from place to place to get from place to place. Usually, I would like to do my laundry on Sundays now more so and go workout on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I do not like to go to bed thinking about homework constantly unless it is finished and done for the next class period. I am done doing homework this weekend now…yes!
I am at school…waiting for time to pass. My anxiety is playing games with me today and it is driving me bananas. I am at school and that is the important thing I know. I should be writing in my school journal now but it is one of those entries that could be in either or both and I chose my personal readable diary to write today. I will write in my school journal later…when I get home from working out. I woke up this morning a few minutes before my alarm sounded and that was not strange but the strangest thing did happen. I did not remember what day it was for a few seconds so I must have been in the dream stage when I barely woke up. I got up immediately after the alarm did sound and I called my friend KAW and her husband. We talked for a while while I was trying to get dressed but getting dressed and talking on the phone can be hard sometimes when you are barely awake inside and going so slow. LOL When I left for the bus, an ambulance and fire truck stopped for some reason at our apartment complex. I hope my friends in the building are okay and I hope whoever called the ambulance is okay as well. I know I do not talk to many people in the building now but I still do not want anything bad to happen to a neighbor or tenant there. I am not cold hearted like some people there. Yesterday When I had gotten home from school…with Rick…I had a call from one of my neighbors who asked me if I was mad at her. No, I am not mad at her but disappointed with the choice of “friends” she has and I have to find the right time to tell her this. She is not going to like the words being spelled out but I can not help that. I will never be mean to this neighbor…I just do not like her choice in “friends” and I will not tolerate the gossip that flies around that building about anyone – even those people I do not like very much. It can be a very cruel world out there sometimes and I like the idea of staying in my own home with the door locked with or without my manfriend Rick. I have my own life. Believe me…it does not include the gossips in the building I live in. Being kind to them is fine when “they” say hello but that’s it! No more after that!!
Today is a day for many to remember…good and bad. The good part is the people who did not lose their loved ones in the tragic event and the bad part is the people who did lose loved ones in the tragic event. My heart is doing flip flops today because it is 9/11 and I remember exactly what I was doing that day when the two planes crashed into the twin towers in NY. My heart is saddened because now it is a memory planted on many minds and not everyone wants to be reminded of the tragic events that happened on this day two years ago. Is it two years already? WOW! I can not believe it. I want to forget but I can’t. Memorials are going on. A friend’s mother’s birthday is today and now since the tragic event happened, my friend’s mom does not want to celebrate her birthday. I understand this since it was a very sad thing that happened two years ago. I remember the tragic event and I remember what I was doing that day and I am very sorry for the loss of loved ones, but not everyone wants to remember such a day as this. What has this world coming to? I understand about the war and why it took place even though I do not totally agree with the war that now over. There are some real bad people out there and that is because of control and the wants to rule. I am not that type of person. We are free at this time but for how long?
I really love my boyfriend but yet he has to work on some issues in his life. I have to work on my issues in life too. I will not allow no one to drag me down and not allow me to have my friends. I have a friend who is concerned that my boyfriend may be dragging me down. I have another friend who says it is possible but I will have to be the judge for myself. Is it possible that my boyfriend is dragging me down? I hope not or he is history in a second beacuse I will not allow anyone to take advantage of me…NEVER! I knoow I have been moody these past several days and questioning my status as a student but I am no longer questioning my status as a student. I am past that now and not worried any longer. I do have to admit that I am dealing with some real heavy stuff regarding school but I am doing fine. I will lick this depression as I have done so before.
My brain is thinking a lot today and it is going in circles over and over again. I go from thought to another in seconds even though I am able to concentrate on one thing for a good length of time. It is not easy being me. I am taking an anti-depressant for my anxiety and depression so I do not have to worry about that right now. I am also caught up in school now so I do not have to worry about that. The Accounting I instructor was ill yesterday so we did not have Accounting I class. Hope she is back tomorrow. I have to go class in forty minutes and I am looking forward to Accounting Orientation at 12 noon so I do not have to worry about that right now. I am in a whirl of thought at the moment and it is driving me crazy, LOL I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER!!
