November 26, 2002 / 2

Posted on November 26, 2002 by ksmiley

The Personal Ads

I did the silliest thing this morning. Even though it is yet to be reviewed and approved, I put an ad in the personals at Yahoo! Now, after I have done it, I have been thinking about it and it bogs me because I am not really searching for a man yet. I am not yet ready even though a woman at my age of thirty-two would like to have a man in her life. Yes, I do want a man to share my life with but it has to be under the terms of God and not on my terms of what a man should have. I have done that all of my “wanting a man in my life” days and I have run into major snags doing that. Also, I had men in my life when I was not grown up yet. I am growing up everyday but not ready to have a man in my life yet. I still look at the cute men around me as one walks by, etc.. Yes, men are cute in these eye of mine, but I am NOT ready for a relationship beyond friendship and I am yet not sure if I will ever be ready. I will NOT doubt God a man in my life if He wants me to have a man, but I am pretty much done looking about. Marriage does kind of scare me as my parents have divorced in 1970 when I was nine years old, and that was twenty-three years ago now. Time does fly by when you do not know it did. Anyway, a man in my life right now would not be good because I am going to school and working VERY hard at in my classes and school work, and my socializing has been a little bit off because of school and school work.

The Perfect Man

I am finished writing what I think a perfect man. I have weighed the pros and cons of what a perfect man should be for me and I have run into trouble doing that, LOL I am done doing that very thing. I am not looking for a man to marry at this time anyway. If I do not get married, I am not going to fret about it because if I am intended to marry in God’s eyes. I am not to marry. If I am to marry, it is under God’s want for me. Anyway, marriage scares me slightly. I am not ready for commitment exactly. I am used to me being me and I do not like to be cuddlly all the time and most of my boyfriends in the past wanted to be cuddly and practically demanded me to express my feelings and one boyfriend – now friend was the only one who did not demand my feekings being expressed but he did want to cuddle a lot! i did not like that too much. Oh well..that relationship is over and so I am now again single.

Later

I need to go for now. Bye…

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November 26, 2002

Posted on November 26, 2002 by ksmiley

My Day So Far

My day has been nothing but lazy and low key. It has been, by far the best, quiet here all day long. the only time it was not quiet was when Emilee meowwed her wants to be loving and wanting all of my attention for a length of time. She has been a good girl all day long. She has been a good girl for a long time now and I am very proud of her.

The Sun Has Finally Peeked Out!

We have snow covering the rooftops now, but only a dusting on the ground. It is cold outdoors but it is a wintery cold and not yet a bitter cold. I did not have to go to school today as I am not going back to school until December 2, 2002 which is after the Thanksgiving holiday anyway. The sun has finally peeped out from the grayness that I have experienced most of the morning but for some reason it is not a sunshine warmth that is true. It seems fake and only a pasted yellow and not a real brightness that happens in the warmer months of the year. Oh well…that’s okay anyway.

Maternal Instincts Movie

I have been watching the strangest movie this afternoon called Mathernal Extincts and I think it is really horrific and weird. A woman, portrayed by Delta Burke, is having revenge on thoose who did her wrong in regards to having emergency surgery so she could not have any children. Apparently, doctor played by Beth Broderick, the doctor found cancer in “delta Burke” ovaries. Delta Burke is now seeking revenge on her husaband, doctor, and friend, and anyone involved with the three people. SPOOKY!!!! It iis actually horrible. EEEK!

Just Lazy

It is a perfect day for laziness! More later.

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In General

Posted on November 25, 2002 by ksmiley

A Good Night’s Rest

Ahhh! Last night I had gotten a good night’s rest because I felt refreshed when I had awakened fifteen minutes earlier than my alarm clock would have gone off this morning. I even was awake during my two classes for a change of pace and taste for a Monday morning. I DID NOT FEEL GROGGY AT ALL this morning when I had awakened from a good night’s rest. It is ABOUT TIME! Good…

My Afternoon

I decided to stay at school until 1 p.m. this afternoon and I am glad I did. I got some studying done and I am very happy about that. I actually studied Unit 13 of BS math and also studied a wee bit of algebra where I was having some minor difficulty. You can find a wonderful math website at A Math Website I have been studying the math there outside my algebra and basic skills math and I have been having loads of fun learning and studying. Sometimes even at 7 p.m. at night and beyond I have been finding myself at Math Max’s website and working problems out. Today, at school, I decided to print out some exercises for me to study and learn and understand and I have quite a few pages of fun to learn. YEAH!

My Afternoon At Home After School

I did a couple of things that were needed to be done and I am excited that my afternoon tyrned out wonderful even at home. I visited with Nellie Mom for a while with another tenant in the office and then came back to my place and have been relaxing ever since.

That pretty much ends my day…but right now I am listening to the last few minutes of a history program about Ronald Reagan. The program is called Ronald Reagan: A Legacy Remembered and I am really enjoying this two hour documentary even though I missed the first forty-five minutes. Anyway, I do not think that my day is done yet – even when midnight rolls around. LOL

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The Need To Vent

Posted on November 24, 2002 by ksmiley

Is This The First Time

Okay, this might be wrong, but I am not sure, is this the first time I have vented? If it hasn’t, it has been a long time, LOL Anyway, I need to vent today. EEEK!

I NEED TO VENT!

I am getting tired my friend thinking that I am avoiding her and I am tired of her talking negatively all the time. It is finally taking a toll on me. I know my friend has some issues to deal with and she has been physically ill lately but her negativeness is getting to me. I think she needs more help than I can give her at times. I will love this friend and I will not avoid her or make her feel abandoned. I can not do that, but how can I tell this friend that she needs to stop changing her e-mail address all the time. I know she is insecure about some things but she needs to grow up more to see that I am trying to help her and that I will not abandon her since I know what it is like to feel abandoned and I know what it is like to be avoided. I have been busy with school and she has been off and on there as well and I have not been avoiding my friend. I have been busy with school and my life and anyway she does not call me herself. If she thinks I am avoiding her, why does she not call me to talk to me about it instead of assuming that I will call her. I do have a life outside my friends. Am I beginninig to crack here?

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Some Words Before I Reitire

Posted on November 24, 2002 by ksmiley

Before I Retire

Other than the fact I had to vent earlier today, I did have a good day all day long. It was lazy and relaxing of coourse and I watched television all day long and took a bath about 5 p.m. so I could have my hair dry before going to sleep. No company all day long which was something I really enjoyed. It was quiet and peaceful all day long. The phone rang only three times so far and yet I ama waiting for my mom in NM to call me but it is yet too early. Anyway, I am getting tired so bed should not be a problem tonight. I just hope I do not fall off the bed again like I did late Thursday night. That was a great big crash and it scared me out of my wits – in other words woke me up out of a sound sleep. I was embarrassed.

The Santa Clause Spelling is correct… I am watching the Disney movie Saanta Clause movie and it is halarious and amazing at the same time and I have oougrown Santa Claus years ago. It is a cute ovie no doubt but it is yet delusional to some degree. Does the North Pole really exist? I do not know.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Before Christmas can be thought of, Thanksgiving comes first. Thanksgiving Day is coming in a few days and I am looking forward to Thanksgiving Day – whether I spend the day with Emilee and myself alone or spending the day with dinner with one of my friends from Teamster Manor Apartments. Christmas is not that far away now but I have to go through one day at a time before Christmas comes about. As far as Thanksgiving is concerned, I know it is a pagan holiday like Easter and Christmas, but I do have some things I am thankful for as far as life in itself, God’s Truth, Friendship, Love, Family and Friends, a beautiful place to live, and so much. Even though Thanksgiving is a pagan holiday I still celebrate with family and friends. Please do not allow my opinion bother you,

Time To Go NowI am going to sign off for the night now. Good night

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A Quick Entry

Posted on November 23, 2002 by ksmiley

I am sorry that this is going to be short but my day has been low keyed all day long. Even when I went to church this morning, it was relaxing and worthwhile. I really do not have a whole lot to say today really. I guess I am having one of those weekends again where time from my journal is happening…and again I might be back later tonight before retiring to bed. What a day this day was…a very good day for me. Anyway, good bye for now. Bye

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Before it Gets Any Later!

Posted on November 21, 2002 by ksmiley

I think this is the only entry tonight I will be writing. I have been busy being lazy today instead of going to school to get some time in for studying. I just did not feel right this morning when I woke up. Anxiety is in my lately. Kristi still smiles. I just did not feel right this morning for some reason. Anyway, my day went just fine relaxing and being lazy. I did not do any homework today whatsoever. I needed a break from it completely today. Anyway, it has been a while since I wrote in my journal again but that’s okay. I think I need the break now and then like I had a weekend away from writing. Right now it is going on 10 p.m. and usually by now my computer and lights are shut off for the rest of the night and I am resting. Emilee Cuddles is doing what I should be doing right now anyay…sleeping. Emilee’s napping on the back of the recliner now. Ahhh…just to be tired for the night. It looks like tonight is a night for an Ambien. Sorry this is so short tonight but I really need to be going. Murder, She Wrote is on tonight from 8 – 10 and I am kind of watching it anyway watching for an actress who is on it = Hallie Todd and what I expected to see was not what I expected, LOL Comparing Hallie Todd from Lizzie McQuire today from Murder, She Wrote, Hallie Todd had dark brown hair and on Lizzie McGuire, she has blonde hair. COOL! Well, good night. I will be back tomorrow before Sabbath.

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Entry 3

Posted on November 19, 2002 by ksmiley

Tonight’s FunAt 6:30 p.m. tonight we had a man come and play guitar and sing. This man “J” plays and sings classic country songs and boy he does a great job. I see him every chance I get when he is here at Teamster Manor. The music he plays may be old fashioned to me and old country, but is beautiful and amazing. I enjoy hearing “J” every chance he comes around. Anyway, he was here from 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. playing for us and then we all sat and had finger food that tenants bring to enjoy after the playing and singing. So I had a fun evening with everyone who attended and listened and watched. Anyway, that was my evening away from home when really it was just downstairs on the first floor in the community room. SMILES

Another Prayer Request — URGENT!

My friend Nana is fine but her car is not. Apparently a semi hit her car on the driver’s side ripping off the mirror and the doors on the driver side are pretty banged up. Nana is alright – shaken up but all right.Nana is 74 years old. Thanks for the prayers everyone. God bless you and keep you safe.

Good night

I think it is now time to go to bed. Night everyone!

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Entry 2

Posted on November 19, 2002 by ksmiley

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My Appointment With the Counselor

I do have to damit that I did not hide anything from my counselor as we had our session this afternoon. I actually told him about the crying these past few days and he seemed to be understanding. We both think that I have SAD, which is something I expected to hear some time ago. I hate winter weather pretty much other than being cold and grey.

My Afternoon After the Appointment

My afternoon was not at all lazy. I did some reading, at the appointment while I waited for my counselor to call me in and when I got home froom the appointment. I also, getting fed up with my medication bottles being in a messI straightened out my medications and threw old bottles away. The top of my microwave looks better. I also took a bath because I felt dirty and gross and my hair was getting oily. I did some more reading before my friend Janie called me and we chatted for a few minutes. I also bought supper and had it delivered tonight. Now I am feeling refreshed and comfortable and awake. I am going to a special program in the community room tonight at 6:30 p.m. so my cleanliness is so very important tonight. My hair is washed and I am bathed with good smelling bath gel, and I am dressed for tonight.

A Quote Given To Me Today

“Mental Illness is the pursuit of reality at all costs” —-M. Scott Peck

(Counselor gavem me this quote today.

Off For A While

I am going to sign off for a while but I plan on being back later tonight after I get back from the community room I have a half an hour before it starts and I have other things to do before I go to the program and anyway I am running out of words and thoughts. Anyway I am back to writing without feeling lost for words. YEaH!

Have a good evening until then…bye for now.

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Entry 1

Posted on November 19, 2002 by ksmiley



My Day Started Fine

I had awakened at 8 7 a.m. ready to begin my day. I slept a half an hour more than my usual time – if it was a school day – and decided to give my day a good early start. I have been listening to music and watching television and surfing the net all at the same time already. My day has started out fine. Good!

Nellie Mom’s Surgery

Nellie is having a growth taken off her ankle today. Prayers are welcome.

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