Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

I FORGOT TO WRITE IN MY JOURNAL HERE YESTERDAY! It was not intentional but I did get busy yesterday. R, my cleaning lady, came yesterday and worked for me for an hour and a half and I helped her out quite a bit. Emilee’s litterbox needed to be cleaned so I took care of that. The boxes that my new Bissel Go Vac Cordless Vacuum were going down to the cardboard recycle box and I had three bags of trash already by the time the cleaning was done. Honestly, with this cleaning process, I thought we had turned the apartment inside out in order to get it cleaned, but really there was not a whole lot to do. I was so antsy yesterday that I could not really sit still. For the past two days I have been in the mood to burn my vanilla candle most of the day so it smelled good in here and I was also working on my Christian/Spiritual journal for a while that time just rolled on by rather quickly. After R left, I was still at it with some minor cleaning details that I could not stop, LOL I did though. You can see my spiritual journal at here anytime you want. it is also going to be available at the menu of my DD pages here.

I have to go for now. More later.

My afternoon has been easy. All I did was read, watch TV, and take a bath. My friend G had come up to see if I had any cans for his aluminum can collection but no other visitors really. I have not really not gotten dressed for my day really. Just in my bathrobe I had put on after my bath. A lazy day has happened and that is not abnormal for this girl. LOL I have company coming tomorrow morning or afternoon to help clean my apartment so I can not be lazy So my afternoon has been very low-keyed and nothing really going on really. I do have to admit that my day is not boring and far from it.

There is ONE thing I hate about being a woman is having my period. I am glad that I get my period each month to show that I have my period cycle regularly, though. When I have my period, I feel so dirty and unclean to the point that I take more than one bath a day in order to feel clean and I know that women who have been raped take long or several showers a day to get the dirt feeling of having a man violate their sexual life. I have not been raped since 1989. Yes,I have been date raped when I was in the last weeks of my senior year in high school, and that memory still lingers on my mind now and then.

Okay, back to the feeling of uncleanness because my period…

I feel so bloated and not at all pretty inside or out. Being overweight really does not help things matter better as well. That is why I am on a diet. With my period, I feel so emotional and out of control of my own life when it comes to my period. I know that I am not the only woman in this whole world who feels that way. At this time I do not feel very emotional right now but anything can set my emotions off out of whack at any time without any warning whatsoever. Having my period makes me feel so unclean and unfit for the outside world. I’d rather, during my period, stay indoors in my own place, and not face the world with a smile. I feel so unclean and defiled. Just knowing that my period flows heavily at times, I hate the feeling of the flowing periods at times, especially when they are heavy. Gross, huh? YES IT IS!

When it comes to my periods at times, I sometimes flow so much that my underpant get spotted with the blood and it makes me feel even worse inside because I should have changed my maxi pad sooner than I should. That is so very gross!

Even though I hate my period each month, I do have to admit that I am glad that I have them every month on a regular basis. I would never have a sex change to satisfy my “hated periods” whining. LOL

After Monday night’s storm and the sky looking like another one was going to come last night, the sun shining is a welcome sight this morning. I had gotten up a little before 7 a.m. and began my day at that hour in hopes that I would go to my first Weight Watchers meeting this morning but I have decided, that procrastination has hit again!, to wait until next week since I have gotten weighed in for the first time last Thursday. Anyway I have my period and I feel A LOT bloated, LOL i think that next Tuesday is a good time to start. After this week is through, I will not procrastinate any longer. I promise! I won’t feel so bloated by then anyway.

I already had my breakfast this morning. Being on a diet is not at all bad but getting used to eating breakfast in the morning is a little bit hard because I really did not eat breakfast every morning for so long. That is one habit to get myself into and I am so GLAD that putting breakfast into your daily plan is not a bad habit. I have plenty of bad habits anyway and I DON’T need anymore now or ever.

Since I have been up for three hours so far this morning, I might as well begin my day with a shower soon. Having your period is definitely messy at times and I always feel so unclean and horrible on the outside as well as on the inside. I am listening to the program, Murder, She Wrote since I can not see the television where my computer is and if I turned around I would be straining my neck too much to the left and that bus accident injury from May of 1998 can be achy at times. My computer is scanning for viruses as I write my entry for this morning.

I think I will go for now and try to write later if weather permits me to be on again later.

I had sort of shut up shop a little after 5 p.m. tonight. That means that i had shot of the phone for the evening and night until 8 a.m. tomorrow morning. I got into my pajamas, did some Bible study, and listened to the television while I did some work on my computer. My adopted Mom came up between 5:30 – 5:45 p.m. to look at some pictures of family. “Mom” sometimes has her family send me something for her to see that she can not get on her little mail station system, so I always save important e-maols with pictures for when she can get to my place and look. SO I did have another visit today and now I have the place to myself once again. I have been on line for a long time now and ready to shut down my system here for the night real soon. I have been on line for 3 hours now. Been gabbing with my friend from Washington and another friend who just moved to another place across town with her husband. I am once again the youngest adult in our building here. Amazing, huh? Just like it was when I first moved in here in 1998.

I have been surfing the net for neat background pages and found quite a few of them. The Holly Hobbie look I had seemed cute but for a diary of a thirty-year old. I have a new look and I love it. I also loved the look that my diary once was but a change was once again a need. The diarist who made the look previous this one did such a great job and I will never forget her help. Her help will always be apreciated from this heart of mine. I love the new look.

I have a place for others – hopefully you can get to it here at DD. I am trying to learn how to create a place of my own with neat backgrounds that are online already. The place, Kriss Kross is a place of story writing, thoughts and feelings, but not like this place at Ksmiley’s Dear Diary. The look at Kriss kross’s place is going to be changed soon because the bachground does not fit the purpose as I thought it would even though I love cats of wild and domestic nature and I have a cat of my own.

I would like to thank my DD friends for the comments at my journal here at DD. I still love it here as when I started here two years ago now. I have made some new on line friends here and have kept in touch with them by messenger, e-mail, and through their writings as well here at DD. I appreciate your support and friendship very much here and plan to never leave!!!

I was planning on getting on line to write my journal entry for August 12, 2002 but when I was going to go on, I saw lighting light up the sky and then a far away clap of thunder so I shut down my computer before it could have destroyed it. I had hoped that the storm would have ended before it got late last night but it didn’t and I went to bed at 11 p.m. because I was tired and ready for bed. Yeseterday I was going to do my laundry and today I was going to do it but again another lazy day had come until noon. When noon came, I just could not stand the look of my bedroom any longer and cleaned it up a bit and made my bed so I could sleep in it for the first time since the big heat wave took over the state of Wisconsin most of the summer. I was getting fed up with sleeping on the futon in my living room really and decided to make my bedroom more livable and comfortable which meant I had to pick up all the clothes all over and fold them and put them someplace easy to get a hold of. I knew I had a lot of clothes but I did not know I had so many of them! So that was my project at 1 p.m. yesterday afternoon after being on the computer for over an hour. I was going to watch the The Rookies, starring Kate Jackson but it was a repeat from another time I had seen it and I did not care to watch it again so I did my bedroom in hopes that I would get on line before retiring to bed for the night. When 11 p.m. rolled around, I was going to watch Matlock and then go to bed but again it was a repeat of another time and I cared not to watch it again so I retired to my bedroom to my cleanly made bed and listened to music until I had fallen asleep before the radio shut itself off. I had awakened in the middle of the night – early morning – to run to the bathroom and found that my radio had shut off on its own just fine. Last night I had gone to bed, after reading a good Christian book to calm my fear of thunder and storm, feeling pretty calm and comfortable. Emillee had been found sleeping with me several timies during the night when I moved and turned about during the night several times. I am now GLAD that the storm is over even though the weather looks unsure today. it only looks cloudy and the sun is trying to peak through and break away from the fog that has taken over our city this very day. Otherwise it is fairly quiet and very pleasing to this girl’s mind and world of reality and play. Oh…how the sun is trying to peek through the fog and break its barriers for good! YAY, YES! Okay, I think I have said enough for the time being. I will try to return later today sometime. What am i going to work on today? What a day!!!

I have had my computer on all afternoon and surfed the net about three times but that is all. Not a whole lot of anything really happened today except resting and just being lazy all day long in my pajamas. I did eat three meals today and have been following my “diet” eating plan. This come Tuesday I will be attending weight watchers meetings two blocks away from my home, yay. I have to lose weight, YES. I am almost 200 lbs again.

Well gang, this is my last entry of the day. I am going to say good night now and come back tomorrow if the weather is fair and decent. It looks like we are expecting a storm tonight. Time to shut down my computer. More later…tomorrow.