The Low Feeling Disappeared

Posted on February 12, 2003 by ksmiley



I hate having low feelings. I never know what will come into play. I have been noticing that I have been beating the odds and not letting my low feelings keep me down and getting through my days with a smile. I was debatng on going to school this morning but beat the demon inside me wanting to play hooey and not go. I got up early and got dressed and went out to school – each step crucial steps to the door of the school. I felt, as long as I was not sick in bed,why should I miss school – so I went and had a good day all day long.

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My First Entry of the Day – 8:44 a.m.

Posted on February 12, 2003 by ksmiley



Here is the scoop – the beginning of my day. It is very cold outdoors so I wore my coat with a hood and bundled up good for the outside weather. I had called the temperature and it was only 5 degrees outside at 5:58 a.m. I had litterally gotten up forty-five minutes before my alarm went off for reasons I had fallen asleep before 10 p.m. and went to bed. When I had awakened the first time, it was only 11 p.m. in the evening and I had already slept about two hours. WOW! This morning, even though I was wide awake whem I woke up about 6 a.m. I felt a little low and depressed and was debating on going to school for a half an hour. Decided to beat the debating issue and get out of bed and dressed and go to school. I was not going to allow another day of depression and grayness beat me up. I am at school right now happy to be here and beat the odds of missing another day of schools. I hate the feelings of depression but I am so glad to beat the odds wben times are not so good for me. The weather has a lot to do with it and I am glad to get to school and be happy that I beat the demon inside me. I am going to stay all day and go to all my classes unless my Keyboarding instructor insists that I go home. Well, I have to go to class in a few minutes. Bye for now.

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My Day Today

Posted on February 11, 2003 by ksmiley



Other than the fact that I had a long day at school my day did go well. It is bitter cold outdoors and we have a winter advisory in nearby areas and even a possible advisory in our city. I had gotten an e-mail from my surroogate mom today in regards to the fact that we are in red alert for terrorism. It will never end even though it might not real happen. It seems scary but we do need to be strong at this time if it is true. Anyway, that was a news bulletin of the day. I had gotten Mom Nell’s this morning when I was at school having a break from doing homework. Now, having been home for three hours, I am bathed, ready for a relaxing evening, annd spending a few minutes with Emilee at my side wanting attention. The medication was just delivered abouut 6:45 p.m. YEAH My day is going well.

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A Quickie

Posted on February 10, 2003 by ksmiley



I thought since it is almkost bed time – it is late – I would write a quick entry this evening. I am not in the mood to really say anything tonight. I said a lot at my school journal today. I did have a good day all day long. I was very busy all day long going to classes, doing school work, going to my appointment, and having company come about 5 p.m. until6:30 p.m. I did not see my Nana at all yesterday so when I got home she opened the door for me when I walked in from my appointment. she must have seen me coming into the driveway, LOL. I had to pay for an item I had bought from Avon which Nana sells. Today was a wonderful day. I do have to say this one last time. I got a C on my first test for Oral Communicaitons. YEAH! Well, it is time for me to sign off. Good night!

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One Last Entry Before Bed

Posted on February 9, 2003 by ksmiley



I thought, before retiring to bed about an hour from now, I would write a quick entry and give my right finger/hand a workout before going to bed. Today was a good day. It was lazy but I did get homework done, a bath in, and watched three good movies. I had a good, lazy day in my pajamas all day long. I look forward to the weekends after a five day workout at school. Anyway, I needed to get some exercise on myright hand. I hope, personally, that i do not get any company knocking at my door. It is, then at that hour, a late hour to have company visiting. I am getting tired now even though I ws able to sleep in an extra hour this morning.

The Phone Call

Every Sunday morning or afternoon I get a phone call from my mom who lives in NM with her husband. Mom and I talked for about forty-five minutes this morning while her husband was still sleeping. We had a lot to say this morning for the first time in a long iime. Usually our calls last less than a half an hour but today it lasted longer, YEAH.

Semi-Lazy Day

It was not one of those Sundays that was totally lazy. I stayed in my jammies all day but it was not a total lazy day. I had to do some homework thhat could not wait until I got to school. My major homework is done though, WJEW!

Insppector Gadget & Casper

This evening I was torn between two good movies airing at 6 p.m. I ended up, oddly enough, watching both of them until the last five minutes. I ended up watching the end of Casper. My favorite little actress Christina Ricci was playing as Cat (Cathleen). She is such a pretty young actress, too. Inspector Gadget, a comedy, was good but not a favorite movie. I enjoyed it to some degrees. Despite it, I was torn between two movies airing at the same time that I was so glad that 8 p.m. rolled around.

Weekendes and Doug

Ok, I am a thirty-two year old woman who loves to watch the weekenders, Doug, and Pepper Ann – all Disney cartoons. What a wonderful break away from thhe real world for an hour and a half! YES!

Time to Go For the Night

I have writen plenty this day so I am going to say good night right now. I have to go to bed shortly and get up at 6:45 a.m. I am going to sleep in fiteen minutes tomorrow and then get ready for school and my day and leave by 7:15 a.m. for the bus. My right hand has gotten quite a workout all day long. It is getting tired, LOL Well, good night everyone! Bye for now. More tomorrow…

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Giving My Mom Credit…Yes

Posted on February 9, 2003 by ksmiley



I do have to give my mom credit for trying to be the best mom she could be. She did fail me as a mother but she is a “friend” indeed these days. I am not able to share my most personal thoughts quite yet but I am working on that and quicky too. The things my mom does in her life sadden my heart off and on but she did give me life twice – donating a kidney when I was seventeen and needed a transplant to save my life. She did try to take care of me with her problems of happiness and I do have to give her credit and respect for that indeed. My world does not evolve around my mother entirely as it should but trying is in the works today. Did she fail me? Yes she did but credit should be given where it is due. Growing up was not easy to do and yet I am still growing up andn getting past my issues. It will take time but it will be done in good time. Thanks Nina for taking the time to read my first entry of the day.

Time to Get Goimg For My Day

Oh my goodness! I spent the ENTIRE morning having breakfast, making sure Emilee had her fresh water and food of the day, and playing a game at Uahoo Games, watching television, and I am stil in my jammies. Time for a bath and getting dressed so if I have company, which is likely today, I will be prepared somewhat. i also have homework to do! Homework is yucky at times but I do enjoy this homework. That is my life of thiis day other than expressing some th9ings that have me somewhat unhappy at times. I have to run now so I can do my homework shortly. I do not want to be pressed for time anymore today or the beginning of my school week. Bye for now! Later…YES, definitely.

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We Need To Live Today – Not Yesterday

Posted on February 9, 2003 by ksmiley



I am sick and tired of living in the past that I have been working on bettering (is that such a word) my life. I have decided to become a student once again because I am sick and tired of being unemployed. I have so many talents and gifts that I have decided to FINALLY stick with accounting since I love numbers. Yesterday I talked briefly to my step mom asking if there was ever any documentation on having a learning disability which I found I don’t…thank goodness. I don’t have a learning disability, YEAH! I am very happy about that. Now I can go on with my life knowing that about myself. I can move on with that issue in life…ABOUT TIME too!

I am not going to run away from my problems anymore either. I have talked to my friend Beth over the weekend about parents and children and how I felt my friend Nana was feeling regarding her son blaming her for him missing two days of work because he got the flu and that she should not have visited Milwaukee if she was not well herself. At the same time, during this conversation, I came to realization once again, that my life with my mom is not a bowl of ripe, sweet cherries, either. I have held a grudge for a very long time in regards to my mother’s parenting skills which I have found totally odd. She was not much of a mother in my eyes because she has akways been very self absorbed in herself and happiness. As I think about this, I am now more glad I have lived with my dad and stepmother during my younger days. Looking back at what I did nd did not do as a teenager, made me a normal rebellious teenager. I was a typical rebellious teenager! YEAH! That rebellious state of life did carry into mu early adulthood. I am ending my rebellious stages today and today from now on. I am sick and tired of living in the past…

For those people who still live in the past I am not going too preach or express my opnion because everyone is different. I am just sick and tired of living in the past myself and tired of seeing others living in the past personally. There is no happiness living in the past believe me – that I know fromm personal experience. I am working at it today and tomorrow and living in the past is something that does not make me very happy. I just wish my mom would see it the same way I do and again I am not sure if she sees it at all. She says things that make it sound so falsified!

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My Day

Posted on February 8, 2003 by ksmiley



For a Saturday, I had a great day. I was gone for four hours this morning and early afternoon with other friends – members of the church I go to most weekends. I thought, as a person who does not really care for the cold, wintery weather, it was not too bad as far as wintery weather goes. I did not have to wait outdoors for my ride this morning to really test the cold temperatures.

After I got home this afternoon shortly after 1 p.m., I relaxed chatting with my newfound friend Beth on line, laid down briefly, and saw my good ol’ buddy REB. Nothing much was done today – more or less a day of rest. I even took the day off from studies and homework. I will get back to studies and homework in the latter part of the morning before 12 noon. I do not like to study on Saturdays except Bible studies. I do not give myself time to read a good ol’ book outside my textbooks from school/cllasses now-a-days anway. LOL What a life I live today, huh? Is it boring? LOL

Anyway, I think I am going to sign off for the night here. Good night.

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Another Change / A New Look

Posted on February 8, 2003 by ksmiley



If you get an e-mail right after the deletion, sorry about that. I have, once again, changed the outlook of my diary. I needed a change for my eyes and thought of others who were reading my diiary often. Now that I have found softer colors, even though it is mostly pink and a soft green, it does match, LOL I just had to give it a new look tonight before I retired for the night. I did not change the look of my journal because I am unhappy with my life or self, but I was kind of bored this late evening and had to find something constructive to do this Saturday night. Hope you didn’t mind, LOL

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Good night!

Posted on February 7, 2003 by ksmiley



It is not terribly late for a Friday evening but I am going to say good night to all my DD friends and come back tomorrow. Good night everyone! Sleep well…

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