Just Gabbing Away Tonight

Took a Break

I decided to take a break from writing in my journal this weekend from Friday to Sunday. It has turned out that the weekend off from wirting in my journal has a wonderful break. I tihnk it was needed. Anyway, I had a good weekend filled with activity and things to do. I had company yesterday for a few hours and all my friend and I did was talk and enjoy each other’s company. It just seems that my Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays are filled with something to do and boredom does not play too often on the weekends.

Depression or not Depression?

Okay…for the past few days I have wanted to cry and cry and hidea way from the darkness I have experienced since the sun does not shine very often. The weather has gotten more chilly and winter is definitely coming this way now sothe sun shines a brightness that blinds me even through blinds that are closed to prevent me from being blinded. On Saturday, all morning long, the sun shone through the blinds, which were closed, shone so brigntly that I was blinded and could not see the computer screen very well. LOL It was a beautiful day all day long though. It was a fine Sabbath day here in Wisconsin.

Anyway, to get back on the reason for writing this entry, I am wondering if I have depression because I have been crying a lot lately especially when I wake up from sleep. I just wondered earlier today, when I got hoome from school, if I have been having dreams at night I do not know i am having and waking up crying. Soomething is going on but is it depression? It could be and I am not going to sweat it. I have been very busy and happy going to school this semester and doing well. Who knows. I am going to pray about it and see what comes about in answer soon.

A Warped Door

I did not expect the maintance man to come today to look at my bedroom door and put WD40 on it, but as he lookked at it, it is warped from the years since this building has been built. I can not shut the door and latch it and sometimes it will latch. Someone, with more expertise will be looking at my door sometime in the future.

Time to Go

I may not be going to school tomorrow but I do have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow at noon and I have homework to do before it gets late in the day. I think I am going to sign off for the night and try to get back sometime tomorroow after doing my homework. I have a busy week this week and I am going to school on Thursday.

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My Day Today 2

I Believe My Words Have Been Found!

I do have to admit that the loss for words was beginning to be frustrating for me but now I think that my words have been found. I was beginning to worry here because 9it has been two days in a row that I was unable to find the right words to write in my journals. I am glad that I am back on track again. I personally think that I need a couple of days off of writing in my journal and did not give myself time. I kept at it even thopugh the loss for words was there. I would not give up and could not give up that easily. Oh well, I have my words and gotten everything in proper order now. WHEW!

Dinner Out

I loike too go out to eat at least once a week at a nearby restuarant with my friend “Nana L” so tonight we went for a bite about 5 p.m.. Anyway, I wanted to get out of my apartment for a while and spend time with “Nana L”. We got back about 7:30 p.m. from dinner and we had a great time.

At the Restuarant

It was not long before “Nana” and I were leaving for home from dinner, my name was called out. I looked in the direction of the voice and saw it was four people eating dinner and it was a friend of the family’s – people both my dad and grandpa Clarence know. It was nice seeing them – especially their daughter who is a year younger than me.

More Tomorrow

Time for me to go. Good night.

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My Day Today 1

Words Are LOST!

Here we go again…words are there but they are lost in a world of of garble garble. I really hate that when it happens a second time in a week! I am not knowing why this is happening like this but I can tell you that I have been filling up with things to share and write in my journal here. I do not have writer’s block because I am able to write something but I am having difficulty with the words going across the screen today and yesterday.

My Morning

Even though the words are not coming out as I hoped they would, I do have to admit that my morning here at home was busy. I cleaned my apartment, with help, for about an hour, and then before noon, all cleaning was done for the day. The dishes were cleaned, the garbage was taken out, the bathroom was cleaned up and mopped, the apartment was vacuumed, and things out of place were put in place. It is not always fun cleaning house.

Running An Errand to Wal-Mart

I have an hour left before I am busy again. It was shortly after my apartment was cleaned and my company had left, I was out the door heading to Wal-Mart t0o get a couple of things. I had to get a new watch band for my digital watch since one of the links broke away from the rest of the watch – still having the watch and its links still attached. Somehow,Sunday night, while sleeping, I snagged the now former watch band breaking it apart. I also got a new watch band for my solar watch that had a band but it was no longer wearable because it was missing something so the band was tight against your skin. Now I have two watch bands and two watches to wear..now I know I have two choices of watches to wear now. The new watch bands are both black and look perffect with the watchs themselves.

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My Inner Feeliings of October 13, 2002

What Can I Write about Tonight?

Here I am tonight unable to descramble my thoughts and write everything in my head in any order. The words are mixed up and I can not straighten them out. Oh well…that’s ok I guess. I did have a lot of study time at school today and it was all mathematical and I am tired now. It is not uncommon after studing all mathematics, my brain gets tired after 2 p.m. and mathematically I am worn out. Oh weoll, I am going to get through chapter 11 in Introduction to Algebra & Geometry this week – by Monday of next week, that’s for sure. I think now I am going to shut dowon my brain for the rest of the night and give it a rest altogether.

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Nervous?

I am sitting here at school feeling nervous this morning. I iam not taking any tests today or any quizzes that I know at this time so that is not why I am nervous. I think I am feeling nervous because I had sent a letter in the mail to who I thought was a friend and now I am restricting her from coming to my apartment again and not harrassing me. I am wondering, however, if she is getting the letter today or tomorrow and that is what is probably making me so nervous today… I am not really in the laughing or smiling mood right at this moment in life. How horrible is that?! Anyway I am at school trying to get my mind off the situation. It is no longer my problem so if my so-called friend retaliates in any fashion, it is her problem, so WHY AM I SO NERVOUS!!! Oh well…it shall pass in time. I am here at school to have a good day and do my hardest in my classes and work hard. Otherwise I am having a good day. “holds Breath” 😮

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Not Very Talkative Tonight

Not Very Talkative Tonight

I do not know why I am not very talkative tonight because I did talk to a friend of mine a couple of hours ago and I was very talkative then. ??? Oh well, maybe I will be somewhat talkative enough tonight to write a few things down. LOL Anyway, I did have a fairly lazy day today after I did my laundry at 9 a.m. this morning. To be very honest, wanting to do the laundry was one of those spur of the moment things in my life. The laundry, however, needed to be done anyway and I had a good excuse to leave my place to go to the laundry room for an hour and a half. With the people in the building, we do have a laundry room but I would never leave my laundry alone while there could be a thief or two in here. I do not know everyone. After the laundry was done, I put everything away and laid down for a while watching whatever was on. Nothing much was on really. At noon I went down to the office and went to see if there was anything to help the manager with and I filed some work orders in folders for the manager, but I did have a fairly lazy day all day long. I got out of the apartment for while today even though i did not go outdoors. I had taken a bath about 5 p.m. and got a phone call while I was in the tub so I had to return the call. NOt very talkative tonight? I guess not! LOL

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At 3:20 p.m.

My day, at this time has been somewhat lazy. I did do the laundry today, yes, but it has definitely been somewhat of a lazy day for me otherwise. I am tired and wanting to take a nap but I know I will be paying for it later if I do take a nap now, SMILE

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So Much On My Mind Today!!!

In the Mail

It was just recently that I had learned of something that really bothers me even in this heart of mine. My ex-roommate has done something so bad that I had to write her a letter and put it in the mail saying she was no longer welcome here at my place because I thought she was a friend and a friend does not do what she has done to me. Here is the letter:

November 7, 2002

Thursday

“K”,

I thought that you were a friend. A friend does not do what you have done. You are no longer welcome to my place anymore. I am sorry this has come to this but I do not feel comfortable with you in my place anymore. If you call me, I have caller ID and I will keep tabs on how many times you call and I have a copy of this very letter. Do NOT call me in regards to this letter. I will NO LONGER pick up the phone if you call.

_____________________

Honestly, my heart does not feel comfortable with confrontation so I was told that writing a letter to the person you want to let them know how you feel is a good idea and so when it is time to confront the person or persons, it will be easier to talk to that person about the problem or problems. To be very honest with you, the persoon I wrote the letter to seems to be a troublemaker and talking to her is like you are talking to a brick wall or something. She seems, to me, to be an instigator of argument or anything just to annoy you on purpose. What a life I live, huh? It seems everywhere i go, I run into some problem with something or someone. LOL

______________________________

12:30 – 1:00 p.m.

After yesterday’s fiasco in the hallway with this other tenant yelling at me, I went to the manager’s office this afternoon to write out an incident report as the manager asked me to do. I had that on my mind al night long that it bothered me greatly this morning while i was at school, SMILE… I did not wanta to write the incident report but it was highly suggested by the manager and I did not have a cohice in the matter. Anyway, it is done and over with and the report is going to the respectable people to get the problem taken care of. Anyway, my heart is now at ease about thiis whole matter.

My Heart At Ease?

The letter i sent to :”K” is go9ng in tomorrow;s mail and it will soon reach her home. I am not unhappy about writinng the letter, but what is probably going to be coming is what makes me heart jump a beat or two OR EVEN THREE! I know, because I have been told this, that whatever happens after “K” gets the leter and reads it, is going to be her problem, and I DID ask her to not call me anymoore, but she is the type of person to stir up trouble. EEEEK! Okay dokey, my heart is not too troubled now, I HOPE!

7th Heaven NightK

Monday nights are 7th Heaven nights, and I am surprised that I can even write what us in ny mind at this time! The television is directly behind me against the wall and I have to do a comoplete turnaround to see the TV and it is a pain sometimes, LOL 7th Heaven tonigiht is real good tonight!! I wonder how it is goiing to end and what is to happen next week now. Will Lucy and her boyfriend still have a relationship after her boyfriend runs into an old flame? EEEK! I can not think at this time on having a boyfriend with the schedule I have. I have such a hectic schedule right now as far as school is concerned and what my life is like as a person. In fact, I am not even talking to anyone on MSN or ICQ or Yahoo tonight because I have no time to talk to many people although it is tempting to do so right now.

The Holiday Remembrance Program

Yesterday afternoon I had gone to a program at one of our city’s churches called a Holiday Remembrance Program. The program was held by the Hospice Team Care of our city. I had gone because I had lost my friend Christiine after a 25 year old friendship and relationship that meant a lot to both of us. I have found closue at this program and I am VERY GLAD of that! I do not know yet, but I might go to Ft. Atkinson, Wisconsin Saturday afternoon, but transportation might be hard to find as my friend Mark might not be able to transport me back and forth. His schedule is not always compatible with my schedule but that’s ok.

I Hate ‘Em!

Ok, men and boys, if you wish to continue at this point, please feel free to leave. I have my period and I hate it this month! All day Saturday, when I wanted to be at church and Sabbath school, I could not leave my apartment because the cramps were just horrible and I had a heating pad on my abdomen most of the day on and off. I even remember passing out and waking up to the neighbor below me making noise. I felt I was awakened rudely but then again the neighbor below me probably had her windows open and the wind probably caught the door a couple of times. But again it happened twice and it vibrated my livingroom floor – her ceiling. It sounded horrible. The walls in this place is so thin and you can hear a lot in the neighbor’s apartment next door. This place is NOOT for couples who are young and getting out in the world as a family or couple. I can fully understand now why my friend “C” and her husband left this place – this place is NOT for couples at all who want to have sex now and then. YUCK! I hate my periods! This one was very heavy and somewhat a pain. I felt irritable and crabby and did not want anything to do with some people. Even though I hate my periods, I am GLAD I get them at a timely manner every month. That is a relief on my heart anyway.

Sorry About the Font Here

I did not want to deal with changing the font today so I left it as it is at default. sometimes I just feel that keeping things as is is a good thing for many reasons under.

The Feeling of Unhappiness Creeping in!

I have lived at Teamster Manor since April of 1998 and I really loved it here at first so much, but the love of this place died some time ago. A place like Teamster Manor you have a varity of people and you learn quickly who you can trust, care for, and appreciate. Of all the people in this building, I only have six people I can really associate with without problems. I have only three people I can trust as far as my perosnal thoughts and feelings without it getting all around this building. Horrible, huh? Sometimes I tihnk so moore than other times i guess. after what happenped yesterday, trust has been betrayed with one person and I will no longer allow this person to tease me, touch me, or even speak to me. If i ever see this person in the hallway, I am going to mind mmy busiiness. No more trust as far as this guy. Sometimes I wish that this person would learn that he has a bad mouth and a bad attitude, and that he upsets many tenants around here. I being a victim of this iman’s meanness. What a jerk he really was yesterday and I am glad that I wrote an incident report today to take care of the problem. What goes around comes around sooner or later and I did not do anything wrong here whatsoever. I feel that my happiness outside my apartment has been restricted pretty much to school and inside my apartment. I can not visit the community room anymore without feeling uncomfortable because a few of the tenants just sit there and gossip and spread such horrible rumors. If I go down and wait for a ride, I sit out in the lobby area to read a book or watch for my ride at the window by the door, and if the weather is decent, which won’t be much longer, I sit outside at the picnic table. I WILL NOT MOVE FROM THIS PLACE NEVER so please no one say anything regarding that. Thanks.

Now

It is 8:30 p.m. and it feels a lot like it is much later. I am getting tired now and I am dressed for bed. I had company for a few minutes when Mom came up to get all her e-mail deleted from her e-mail box. Thanks for taking the time to read such along entry tonight and I will write more another time – tomorrow if I can and have time. Good bye for now. “Sigh”

Life is not always a bowl of ripe cherries…that’s for sure!!!

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Some People Are Downright Cruel!

Some People Are Downright Cruel

Life with some people is sometimes one of thosoe lives you want to live separate from others. Some people are yet, no matter where you go, are downright cruel. Today I have experienced a person’s cruelty earlier today. Some words were said directly to me that made me turn around and cry as I walked to my apartmen which was so many feet away from where we were standing. As I turned around, the unChristian attitude came out of me and I called this person a jerk as I walked away to my apartment. My feelings did not feel real good about that as a Christian I want to be a good example for others. What this person said was not nice of course and I was hurt but I was hurt becayse of me calling him a jerk.

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My RIght Toe

I remember writing in my journal yesterday about my little toe on the right foot. Well, today it looks a lot better than it did when it firist happened and aftaer the Urgent Care doctor looked at it yesterday afternoon. I soaked it this morning while bathing and put antibiotic ointment on thespot where the naiol was and put a bandaid on the whole toe. As clumsy as I am, I hope the bandaid stays on most of the day while my foot is in my shoe. LOL Anyway, I am fine as far as the toe is concerned. It is not infected now.

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