Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

I think I said what I needed to say this day regarding tomorrow’s anniversary of 9/11. I do know that if anything does come up now after this enytry and any other day following this day, I will write it down and share it with all of my Dear Diary friends. I do want to express a quick note to ask those who believe in the power of prayer and believe in God to pray for all the families who did lose loved ones a year ago on 9/11. Also I would like to ask for prayer for those who survived the tragic events on 9/11 and have memories that will last the rest of their lives. Also, for those who did surive the tragic day, we should keep in mind of their bravery and their strong wills to continue to live even though the events on September 11th may be difficult to bear on any given day.

Since it is fresh on my mind this morning, I thought I would write something about 9/11 even though it is a day early. FOr the longest time I have been wanting to write something about 9/11 anyway even though I have in the past some time ago. My stepfather read what I had written last time and I got a repot back from him that practically put me in tears – as if my feelings about what happened did not matter to him and that I should have been over the attack by that time! That really hurt me even more than a friend breaking plans all the time. Now that a year has passed, 9/11 has an anniversaryy now. the “Attack on America” has affected everyone differently. I did not lose anyone in the attack but my heart felt the ache of those who did. How could someone, like Bin Laden (Sp?), hate so much? How I feel about this is this: We have our own terrors and problems in this country that someone out of the country causes terror makes it even more worse for our nation. Do I seem angry? Maybe I am and yet I haven’t been able to disclose it and let it go and ride it off, but our country was attacked! A year has gone by now and seeing and hearing the news on a daily basis, my heart just makes a sickening thump in my body. My throat has a kump now and then forming to where I can not swallow what is there and I choke. I feel so sick that I even look sick. What happened to this nation a year ago makes my little insecurities and fears so small like little itty bitty ants. I do not know how much I have cried in the past year in regards to the attack on our nation. Now my stepfather’s remark about letting go the attack and live my life the way I have lived it before seems so petty and hateful as well. I do have feelings you know. Have I calmed down yet? 🙂 I know it is not a laughing matter. I am not laughing…

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I need to finish my thoughts later. My cleaning lady is hear and she is now running the vacuum cleaner and I can not even hear myself think – let alone keep what is on my mind from getting all cluttered up with the noise of the vacuum cleaner, LOL. Now that is funny! More on my thoughts later.

Today was a school day but I came home right after class this morning. Just this Monday I really hated my day but school was just fine. Having algebra this morning really made my Monday (day) worth while to see. I am just a wee bit cranky and feeling a little witchy this day. In fact, I felt witchy all weekend since Saturday morning when my period, that dratted thing, started. I just hate this Monday even though school was just fine. Do I make any sense of this at all? LOL

Today, a few minutes before I took the bus home from school, a gentleman was selling red, white, and blue ribbons with flag pins for the September 11, 2001-2002 year anniversary. I bought two ribbons for myself and my adoptive mom. She really enjoyed the little gift. The anniversary of 9/11 is a day and a half away and yet hat has happened is still be talked about andfeelings are still very new and fresh for many people. I still can not get over what happened either if I really think about it. Tonight the A&E channel will be airing a special on either Investigative Reports I believe (I forgot what program, LOL, about the 9/11 attack on America. I do have to admit that I have seen so many changes in myself, people, and the US altogether. I have this question come in on my mind now and then, how long are we going to be united?

We are expectinig a storm to come our way shortly and so I thought I would get on line for a while before it really hit to see what I had for e-mail and quickly write my thoughts. So far the weather has been good and with the expected storm, I can see why we are having unstable weather condiitons. I think it was to reach over 90 degrees today and the heat is unbearable – very unbearable, LOL It got real humid today. YUCK!

Well, I think I ought to be going for now. It is getting time for the news to be on and I want to shut down my computer before it got real bad outdoors and I am kind of tired. I have been up since 6:30 a.m. this morning and it will be 11 hours since I have been up in a few minutes. “YAWN” I did take a little nap this afternoon which was NOT intended really and I am still kind of tired and dragging my feet a wee bit. (I am not Irish…I am German)

I have had a good day – don’t get me wrong. My neighbor friend is gone this weekend so she has asked me to look in on her cat Oreo while she is away. So every morning and night I have been going to my friend’s apartment and spending a few minutes with Oreo. Oreo is such a sweet cat and my Emilee, a cat as well, is just becoming a sweet cat as well. Now my day is over and I am ready for Sunday to roll around so I can get back to my school studies. I wanted to get to my studies after sundown tonight but I said to myself it can wait until tomorrow when I get up in the morning after I check on Oreo. I will not procrastinatet any longer after 10 a.m. anyway. So my day is done even though it is only 9 p.m.. My bed is read and Emilee is napping on the back on the recliner and I am BEGINNING to feel a yawn come on, LOL “YAWN” I just got done watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and now I am listening to a program on Court TV called The System. Not a whole lot is going on right now really. It is dark outside and the sun set two hours ago now and I am getting tired. Last night, trully, I had been restless most of the night and woke up several times moving and thrashing about in bed. I had awakened this morning with a feeling of dopeyness which I have not felt in such a long time. Monday will come soon enough, YEAH! Good night.

Well, the situation was explained to me today because I did ask the person who talked to me about the bad body odor “thing”. I told her that I find it more offensive to have someone go to someone else for that someone else to talk to me about the situation at hand, which is bad body odor. The person found it understandable that I did feel offended towards the very person who talked to her about it than that person coming directly to me to discuss something as personal as bad body odor. Did I say that right? Well, this one person did not know how I would have reacted to the comment and to the discussion and the person who did talk to me about it said it was her job where people do not feel comfortable about talking about something as personal as body odor or anything very personal. The person, who talked to me about the situation, did understand my feelings of being offended but I do now understand why that one person did not come directly to me. It is now over and done with and I am working on making sure the problem is not any longer noticeable. I did, LOL, put on enough deodorant this morning, for what I have noticed and I am, before putting on any shirts or sweaters, making sure there is odor or no odor there because I know that once body odor gets into your shirts or sweaters, the odor stays put no matter how many times you wash your clothes.

I do have to admit that when I was a teenager and odor became a part of my life, I had troubles with it that could not be understood until I was in my junior year and my kidneys had totally failed and I needed a kidney transplant. I know that my transplanted kidney is doing fine/well and so the bad body odor I have now and then is because of forgetfulness or NOT putting on enough deodorant in the morning. Showers is not a problem with me whatsoever. I am not that type of person to go anywhere unclean. Feeling unclean really makes me feel really unclean, LOL…did that make any sense. I have to wash my hair every other day and when the weather is hot or muggy, showers are twice a day anyway.

I think I have said enough about bad body odor, showers, and cleanliness. Done away with it!

Okay…how would you feel if someone came up to you and told you that someone had come to them to talk to you about something very personal? That person did not find the guts to tell you yourself that they were offended about something personal (anything) but instead they go to someone else to talk to you about that something personal! I find that more offensive than the subject matter at hand – whether it is personal regarding your health issues or anything that is offensive such as body odor. YES! Yesterday I had someone come up to me to tell me that a person came to them because I had bad body odor!! I find immature of that one person who talked to someone else about my body odor and the situation at hand did not bother me at all. Where are people coming to now-a-days? I was NOT embarrassed about the fact that I was talked to about body odor, but I was very unhappy with the person who talked to someone else so the situation could be discussed or worked out. I HATE that with a passion. Am I so stupid looking? I can understand that the person who complained about my body odor might think that I would be offended about something as personal as body odor or having any kind of odor that is noticeable, but I wouldn’t because they came directly to me about it. What offends me is someone else, a middle man, has to be brought into a problem that could be easily fixed by the two people that are involved.

Now I wonder if I put enough deodorant on this morning? 😛

The end of my day has finally come. YEAH! Not a whole lot has to be said right now really. Time for bed. Pajama tume. I had gotten home from being with a friend a few minutes ago and Emilee Cuddles was waiting patiently for my arrival back home. “YAN” Good night

So far today has not been a horrible day. I did get a little disappointed at how I did on my Unit 2 test of basic math but the disappointment did not last very long at all. I have this thing with word problems and those word problems always get me, LOL Anyway, tomorrow, just to get it over with, I am going to retake Unit 2 test and get a better grade, maybe an A…LOL Those silly word problems! My instructor went through what I did wrong, and now I have to remember everything from now to the time I take – retake – the test tomorrow. I am glad that the disappointment did not last too long today regarding that test.

As for the rest of my day, I had awaked from a good night’s rest. I slept in the livingroom but my futon was in bed form which made it very comfortable and I slept right through the last few minutes of In the Heat of the Night and Matlock. I know because my television was off when I woke up to run to the bathroom and it was completely dark in the apartment. My nightlight in the bathroom had burned out sometime last week and I did not replace it yet.

I did not have to leave for school until 11 a.m. this morning when my friend left to go to school himself. I am still at school but an hour does not seem that terribly far away now. The SNL will be closing in twenty-five minutes so I will not be here much longer – in this room anyway. Emilee Cuddles will be HAPPY to see me because I have been away longer today than any other given school day. That is why I have this Thoughts of the Day Pt 1. i will work on Pt 2 tonight when I get home. Boy, is it ever quiet in here! I am the only student in the lab and then there is a student taking a test in the room ajoining the lab.

I just realized something… I am writing about my school days here as well as my school journal. Oh well, that’s okay I guess. No big deal, right?

Well, it is time for me to do other things before I leave, so I better go and do them. More later…if I DON’T forget! LOL

I had a GREAT day and now it has ended! :(…but another day is yet to come in a short time. 🙂 and I can not pass it up. I think the “I Love You” sign made my adoptive mom has a reason behind my GREAT day as well as God is here with me as well. Here it is 10 p.m. now and I am wide awake and ready to have a party but my bed is ready to have me sleeoing snug as a bug so I can live another great day tomorrow. It has been unusually quiet here today except for Emilee’s owling of displeasure about something earlier today but I think now she has calmed down, YEAH! She sounded like she was dying that silly cat of mine! Otherwise she was very good all day long. My day has ended and it is time to get snug as a bug in bed now. I should be able to write in my journal tomorrow but I am not sure when I will be as far as time. I have already written so much today and I am ALL talked out this night. Good night gang! See ya tomorrow.

Saturday was NOT the greatest evening for me. In fact I was feeling the pressures of negative and positive fighting in my head. I have this issue in my life where I do not always feel loved even though I am loved, and there are days I need the reassurance that I am loved by someone or my immediate family. I do not know exactly where this I do not feel loved comes from but I have a feeling it has a lot to do with my mom being in and out of my life ever since my parents divorced in 1979 and my mom was always in and out doing her own thing in life. That is the general reason I have this issue going on in my life off and on. Saturday evening proved to me to be a long hard night as I battled through the bad and the good. The good defeated the bad by the way and thankfully. I had gotten the reassurance that my adoptive mom loved me by talking to her Saturday evening when I was feeling the horrible pressure racing through my head as I was calming down from a hyperventillating stage of my life. I have to give her credit where it is due in helping me out that night by writing a little something today, three days later.

Yesterday, I got home from studying at school I had asked my adoptive mom to write on a piece of paper “I Love You” on it and she did that without raising an eyebrow or asking questions to my silly request. I now have that piece of paper on my cupboard door in my kitchen as a reminder to the love my adoptive mom does have of me. Ever since that piece of paper has been posted on my cupboard, I have been smiling knowing it is there and smile when I walk past it or even look at it from where I am – usually on the futon/couch watching television. It has been a positive for me since yesterday afternoon.