Kristi Karnopp's Diary & Blog

I had awakened a little after 8 a.m. and felt tired until 9 a.m.. I was planning on doing my laundry this morning but this another day of procrastination I guess. I am going to wait until tomorrow morning now. Too lazy to do anyhing much but to stay in my apartment away from everyone in this building ecept for L, G, and my adoptive Mom. Yesterday I had gotten together with my friend A for the day and had a great time chatting, eating, and walking about. I had gotten home from being out almost all morning and A left, I visited with my adoptive Mom until she had gotten a long distance phone call. After Mom got off the phone, I had called her back to talk to her about God’s day of rest and the conversation got long and a lot of questions of my habits came about. Part of the conversation was focused on me and how mature I have become, which is a small part of my spiritual life these past three years. My own family who lives out of the state must be blind to my growth because while I was with them, minusing my brother, all I felt was ridicule and anger in my heart. Am I beginning to feel the separation of my own family and living a life totally outside of my own family? I feel partly that way but I know I am loved, but…

Well, this morning, like I said earlier, I have gotten up a little after 8 a.m. to begin my day. I had gotten my Bissel Go Vac Cordless Vacuum yesterday from a place called Overstock.com. Overstock.com I had put it together, without following instructions, and got it put together correctly and set up. I had tried it this morning and boy does it work better than my ol’ Eureka vacuum cleaner I have had for four years. The only thing I have to get used to is the fact that it my Bissel works for a total of fifteen minutes before having to be charged up again. My place is not too big anyway. Just four rooms: the kitchen, livingroom, bedroom, and bathroom, and small hallway.

I did the dumbest thing already this morning! I had ran into the corner of my end table on the way out of the hallway from the bathroom and now I have a bruise right abouve my right knee. That bang really smarted and now I have a bump, which I did not ice at all yet, as well as a bruise. I have a tendacy to be clutsy at times I guess. LOL

So that is the beginnng of my Sunday day

Definitely hormonal! I am having a fit here because my friend L has not gotten home from her son’s work place yet because at 5 p.m. she had called and told me her son has not yet arrived to take a look at her car. I don’t know what to think at this time because when I had called to reconfirm her phone call, her son’s girlfriend answered the phone and she seemed unhappy or disappointed about something. Honestly, things are becoming hormonal for me thus very day and night. I had a feeling that this was going to happen so I have a feeling that going out to eat is going to be held off again! Honestly, this is definitely a hormonal day for me. I HATE IT!I understand that a job needs to b done sometimes but I wonder sometimes if someone tells you to be someplace at a certain time, that other person should be there as well and not be just saying it. Give me a break…that is not 100% the best business ethics for any business. What an early evening!! I am bored to death and hungry right now. The important thing is that my friend L called and told me. I am hungry now, that’s all and I have plans to go out to eat tonight and tomorrow.

More later tonight…

My afternoon plans have changed almost drastically but I am still going out to dinner with a friend for Friday night fish fry. It is just not with my friend Mark. Okay dokey, I am here writing an entry to vent a bit but the venting did happen earlier when I spoke to my friend Mark. To be frankly honest with you, it was about my friend Mark that I was a little bit upset earlier. Speaking to him, Mark, about what was on my mind, helped a lot. Sometimes my friend Mark is such a stinker. I won’t say jerk because he is not a jerk all the time. I do not always understand him when it comes to his cell phone. At times, when we talk, his phone cuts us off. I know that cell phones get cut off depending on the area you are at, but sometimes his phone acts like it is underwater a lot, and that he is muffled and you can not hear him. It drives me nuts. I am glad that my friend Mark and I get along most of the time. I just had it with Mark’s phone that I just finally left a message to either get his phone fixed or he needs to start working out his issues in his counseling sessions with his counselor. It so happens that we have the same counselor, Yay. He seemed to understand my tone of voice being of a chew out and he is glad that I have pointed something out to him and using a firm voice at times brings him back to reality. Well, he said that he was going to have his cell phone looked at this weekend and I do believe that he is going to do that. Also, I told him that his outgoing message is a bit too long and that he might want to change the length of the message because a lot of people do hang up before they have an opportunity because a lot of people do not like lengthy messages. I also told Mark that I call his cell phone just to listen to the message to hear his voice and then hang up. Something about his voice calms me down when I feel a little bit on edge. What an afternoon so far, huh? I must be on a hormone change ordeal once again really. I always get this way when my hormones get off a bit…even the slightest edge. What a life. Being a woman is not easy and so those guys out there better not think that a woman’s life is easy. Life as a woman? No plans of changing my sex because God created me the way I am.

Today has been very good so far and it is almost half over now. I had awakened again before 7 a.m. but had fallen back to sleep on and off until 8:30 a.m.. I had watch a few minutes of Muder, She Wrote at 9 a.m. and then decided to take a bath and listened to the program on television from my bathroom. I got out of the tob by 9:30 a.m. I had breakfast by 9 a.m. I wanted to do my laundry this morning or afternoon but I am just too lazy to do so, LOL I will wait until Sunday to do my laundry I guess. What a day! I just do not want to do anything. Life is the way it is sometimes.

More Later…

Oh boy oh boy, getting up at 6:45 a.m. has given me reason to close my eyes un the early afternoon at 1 p.m. and then waking up off an on until 4:45 p.m.! I remember Emilee coming and laying on my stomach and purring away in my ear. Otherwise, my day has been very good. I had realized, two and a half hours before noon, that my appointment to see a dietition was at 10:30 a.m. and NOT noon! Good thing that I was able to get myself out the door before 10 a.m. to wait for my ride. My appointment went well even though I am almost 200 lbs again! I am going to see my dietitian again in January 2003 but in meantime really work on losing weight this time and go to Weight Watchers meetings which happen to be only two blocks away from my apartment complex so there is NO EXCUSE to fulfill my obligations and lose the weight. I surely do not feel good being this heavy physically and mentally as my family is not very supportive of my weight being so high. I seem to get cut down by my family than being told in a kind way about that I need to lose weight. I know my health risks and my kidney which is transplanted fourteen years ago can run into risks along with it. I am going to DO THIS! Pray for me, PPPLLLEEEAAASSSEEE? Thanks so much gang!

I have gotten up at 6:45 a.m. this morning and so I have been up for three hours so far, YAY. I have an appointment this afternoon at noon and that will take care of all the appointments this week. Tomorrow I will do my laundry. Maybe I will begin it today after I get back from my appointment but it really depends on the weather this afternoon. Gotta go for now. Murder, She Wrote is on now.

I am no longer my dishwater blonde but a lighter blonde. It looks great and I feel great. Now I have to work on accepting change and NOT BE AFRAID of change from now on. I can not afford to run away from my fears in my dreams that are chnges. I know I am not the only person who has trouble with change in life. What gets me is the fact that I had my hair changed to a lighter blonde than the original dishwater blonde that I have had all of my life. Yes, I am a blonde. I just did not want the blonde I had for a while and actually I love the very blonde color my hair is now after the color job I had done this morning. My adoptive mom didn’t even notice the change so it looks natural. Now, my adoptive nana noticed a bit of a difference, YAY! I love the color myself to be very honest with myself.

I have a busy day today! I am going to get my hair done this morning and then this afternoon I have a date with a thirteen year old, LOL. Nah, not a date date but my friend has a thirteen year old son who I have been prmosing I would take him to a movie sometime. Well, today is the day unless…he can not make it after his orthodontal appointment at 1 p.m.. We are planning on seeing Stuart Little this afternoon if it is playing but otherwise we may not see any movie. My friend is very particular of what types of movies her three children watch and that is just fine really. If I had any children of my own right now, they would not be going to any movie with violence in it, certain swear words being used throughout the movie, nudity, and horrific. Consider me already a horrible Mother when I am not even one yet or probably will never be, LOL

As far as my hair is concerned, I am going to change the color slightly. It is going to still be blonde but a little lighter I think. I do not know what the color is yet and I don’t know how it is going to turn out until it is finished really. I will describe it later when it is done and I have a chance later today.

This week is BUSY. I have had two appointments already this week (including today’s appointment) and then I have one more tomorrow afternoon. This week is definitely busy. When can I do my laundry?! IT NEEDS TO BE DONE! LOL I think I can do it Friday morning after 8 a.m. The room will be opened then and the earlier the better before all four washers and dryers are all used up. You see, one person can do four washes and dries in one lump sum. It is a first come first serve basis and believe me I have more than two loads to do Friday! LOL

I think, at this time I am all gabbed out right now. More later when I get back from the movies with my little tall friend.

You are probably wondering where this entry is coming from as well as going, right? Well, I went to my counseling appointment this afternoon and discussed with him what my three dreams were like that I had over a week ago and then I had a dream not too long ago where I was running from this unseen sound of growling. The growling was from something that I could not figure out and I was running away from it without panicking too much or none at all. I remembering turning around a few times to go around obstacles I had encountered and the sound was getting closer but the growling was still unseen. My counselor asked me this BIG question, “What is it that you are afraid of regarding yourself?” I could not come up with the answer even though I did not feel dumb or downed with this question. I told him that I did not know what I was afraid of but the world “CHANGE” came into the converation, and change itself is always happening and I then realized that I am afraid of change and so the unseen growling monster I was running away from was my own self! I am afraid of major change. Well, from now on, I am going to really work on accepting change in my life, big or small, and get rid of the fear so I can go on with my life in a happier state. I am happy with my life and willing to make some changes in my life in order to make me happy or continue to be happy.

I did not write any entries yesterday because time just escaped me as well by the time I wanted to get an entry in, it was way too late and I was tired and I could not keep my brown eyes open whatsoever. I had fallen asleep after 10 p.m. while waiting for time to pass waiting for Matlock to come on at 11 p.m. I remember waking up after falling asleep at 11;55 p.m. with Matlock over. I guess getting up at 7:30 a.m. is what did it. Anyway, with school coming up, I have to get my body regulated for the semester of classes. I do feel a bit guilty not having an entry written yesterday. It does seem that times does not always work for you, does it?

Right now Murder, She Wrote is on and I am listening to it while I am on line. I have an appointment this afternoon at noon with my counselor. I was to have this appointment this past Friday but I could not make it because of transportation problems, and my counselor was upset that I had to cancel. Well, today I am not going to cancel this appointment. I do not dare because it would upset my counselor even more. The reason why he gets upset with me is because I have made progress in sessions past and he also does not like his clients to cancel several times. What happens to cancellations then is someone else who needs to see a counselor does not, sometimes, have an opportunity to take the cancelled spot. That can hurt sometimes I guess.

After I get back from my appointment I have no clue whatsoever what my plans are. I do know that finally the weather has cooled down as far as the heat and the temperature outdoors and rainstorms are not in the forcast for several days according to the weatherman…if believing them will ever happen again. The sun is shining now but because of the sun shining into my apartment so brightly and getting real warm in here, I have lowered the blinds and closed them. That makes it a little darker in my place but it is definitely not so hot.

9:45 p.m.

I just got done talking on the telephone to a gal at Alliant Energy. I have had no problem with my electricity or paying my bills or anything but after the conversation was over, I was signed up for a budget plan for my electricity so now I will be paying a flat rate per month instead of eg. $15 one month and $25 the month afterwards. What a relief to be on a budget plan now.

Well, I have an hour and a half left before I have to go to my appointment. Actually over an hour and a half and I am ready to go. I am dressed and ready for my day except for the fact that my leg brace and shoes are still off my feet.